Random Channel Surfing

In exactly one week, I'm turning 29. (Not exactly 30. But far from 20.)

To fill the void. To numb the pain. To feel alive. Whatever the reason. Who knows. Who cares. Whatever whatever. He used me; (and like a fool) I let him get away with it.

It's easy for me to stay quiet to avoid confrontation because, you guessed it, I don't like confrontation; it scares me. I shy away from letting people look too closely into me lest they see how scarred and ugly I am deep deep deep inside. I rarely speak up. I love my comfort zone. Bravery is one trait I lack. But lately I've been realizing how detrimental that is to me. I want to change this, but I don't know how to do it. How does someone who's never been brave, grow a spine?

she keeps getting told she ought to have told him how she feels but she did tell him in the way she held his gaze in the way she said his name in the way she stroked his arm in the way she smiled at him she was exposed to his x-ray eyes she was honest and transparent and vulnerable and got nothing for it he took her admission of affection and threw it away like       it                meant                               nothing she keeps getting told that she ought to have told him how she feels no one knows she did

This questionnaire has been in my drafts since 2013, when I was going through a bit of a "reading crush" on Thought Catalog, particularly articles written by Ella Ceron , Kovie Biakolo , and  Brianna Wiest . Their articles were usually on feminist issues and self-love and relationships and, more importantly, self-care. So when Brianna posted this questionnaire, I figured it was a good idea to poke at these issues to gain a better understanding of how I feel about my life. Anyway, two years ago, I completed only the first question but, as I said in my last post , something about 2015 makes me tingly on the inside with an admittedly over-optimistic anticipation for this year, so I figured I should complete this questionnaire. I hope they'll be a good reminder of the things that matter the most to me--a bookmark on the things I should cherish for the entire year. Here's hoping, at least. 1. What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to pay the bills? I woul...