Random Channel Surfing

Fuck, I'm so emo. I don't know what I'm going to do and it's debilitating. I feel lost and restless and terrified. Again. It was silly of me to think that my life would stay in a happy place; life is unpredictable and we can't control its stasis or its changes. And that's part of the magic, isn't it? But when you're clinging to the few things that are going well... you tend to forget that certain areas aren't totally perfect. You're content; thinking that all is well. So when life makes a sudden uwee and you're heading in the exact opposite direction, you can't help but feel abandoned. That's how I'm feeling right now.

That absolutely terrible moment when you find out that the boy you cared about so so very much is now dating a girl who's equally obsessed with the band you introduced HIM to. I know I shouldn't care... I don't own Bedouin, but the fact that she likes--nay, LOVES them makes my heart hurt. I curse you, facebook. You let me in on things I shouldn't care about.

I'm a huge geek. Having said that, I'm going to 'fess up to the fact that I'm now involved in forums. Having said THAT, I'm going to admit to the fact that I post frequently in one forum in particular. Now that that's out of the way, I'm going to confess to the fact that I write a weekly "column" of sorts that is quite popular in a certain fandom. We average about 20'000 views per post, which is pretty awesome, considering how big our fandom is. Anyway, I fought with my co-writer and basically quit. Now, he's gone and deleted the entire thread--something that proved I am still capable of writing. I know this makes no sense, but I just wanted to write this out because my heart is literally broken. I know it's stupid, but... what he did hurt. More than I think he even realizes.