Random Channel Surfing

This is a picture of the last plane ticket I used. It was for my return flight from Frankfurt on December 28, 2015. In 2015, I took a LOT of trips. I flew to Orlando with Tamara, Sean, and Joe. I flew to Vancouver to spend some time with Mel. I flew to St. Louis to visit Cristiane, Brad, Patrick, and Claire. I flew to New York City with Tasha to explore the city. And, finally, I flew to Frankfurt to spend Christmas with the fam. In total, I took 23 flights that year to take me from Point A (YEG) to Point B (my many destinations). Eek. I took a picture of this ticket because I wanted to commemorate it. I wanted to commemorate it because I swore to myself that I wasn't going to fly in 2016.   I made this promise in order to be more conscientious about the environmental strain my many trips was putting on the planet.  Since this flight, I haven't boarded a single plane and, while I've missed flying and exploring, it's been a good break.  Today is Guatemala...

And how these two things are related. This year is interesting. And I don't mean interesting the way people use the adjective to describe something indescribable or suspect; the way people use the word when they're trying to be polite and give voice to a feeling or emotion they feel is offensive; the way the characters in the book Room use it. I mean "interesting" in that it's given me a lot of food for thought. This year has been one of growth and self-exploration. I've learned a lot about myself in terms of what I want and need, and the thing that's really struck me the most is that a lot of my creativity is dependent on my travels. Ergo, if I don't fly, my imagination won't soar. (Cheesy. Yes.) I have a theory for this: I do a lot of people-watching when I visit other cities or countries. I think my favourite part of traveling is probably waiting at the terminal before boarding my plane. And it's not because I'm not looking forward...

Third attempt to start the week off on the right foot. So far, January has been cold, busy, and loved up! I've had the pleasure of seeing my girls at least once per week and I've watched three different movies in theatres (which you know is my favourite!). Things are going wonderfully and I feel as though they're only going to get better. I've also decided that I'm not going to do things I don't have to do. I'm going to be more selfish and more reckless and I'm going to enjoy every second of this magical new year! Thirty is coming up fast and I'm not going to rest on my laurels. I'm going to pursue my writing career; I'm going to write a screenplay; I'm going to pitch to a magazine; I'm going to make a buttload of money; I'm going to spend said money on things I want ; I'm going to meet new people; I'm going to hit on the attractive men in my life and I'm not going to feel sad or angry if things don't pan out t...

I've made a list of cities I want to see next year. Montreal, Toronto, New York, Flores, Guatemala... I think it's doable, too. If I go see Mel in Ontario for my birthday in March, and I go to Montreal with the girls and guys in August, I could potentially go to New York after our stint in Montreal. Cut to October/November 2014, when a trip to see the old familia is doable. Yes. Yes. I quite like this plan o'mine.

The big bad birthday is coming up. And I'm okay with it. It's unnerving. I remember dreading, hating, fearing my birthday. I didn't like the attention, the pressure of deciding who was invited and who wasn't. Then the added pressure of more responsibilities. Yeah. I like to worry. But now? I'm excited! I might not be where I'd planned on being; I might not have achieved the things I'd wanted. But I've learned to accept that life is unexpected, so I should celebrate whenever there is cause for it. And, to be honest, 26 isn't a scary age. I remember my oldest sister Cristiane was busy getting ready for her wedding when she was 26. She was hardly home, but she was still as fun-loving and immature at 26 as she was at 20. Pily, my middle sister, was in Italy getting her degree in interior architecture when she was 26. She did more partying at ages 26 and 27 than she did when she was in her teens. Now I'm not saying I'm go...

Fuck, I'm so emo. I don't know what I'm going to do and it's debilitating. I feel lost and restless and terrified. Again. It was silly of me to think that my life would stay in a happy place; life is unpredictable and we can't control its stasis or its changes. And that's part of the magic, isn't it? But when you're clinging to the few things that are going well... you tend to forget that certain areas aren't totally perfect. You're content; thinking that all is well. So when life makes a sudden uwee and you're heading in the exact opposite direction, you can't help but feel abandoned. That's how I'm feeling right now.

So, Coachella is definitely a go... BUT, Nix and I still have to decide whether we're flying back on the 20 or 23, seeing as we're heading to Oceanside for some fun. Did I mention we'd fly back in a private plane? That's right. Private. Plane. Like... wow.

So 2011 is upon us and it's weird... I feel as though this year will be my LAST year to get all my loose ends tied and finally make my dreams come true. Guess the reason for this is quite obvious: my plans for moving to Montreal in 2012... NEXT FUCKING YEAR! Like... REALLY. Mont-fucking-réal! I can hardly wait...! I love that city more than is natural. And to live there? After years of wanting this more than any other dream... It's unreal. So this year, I'll be buckling down. Crossing those Ts and dotting those Is... Ensuring that nothing will detain me from reaching my dream. I can't wait!

Today's just one of those days, y'know? Like, you're so happy, you feel like you could laugh and cry... like you could run a mile or fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. But at the same time, there's this really sad part inside of me that feels so empty and scared and... sad. My sister is engaged. She and her fiancé made it "official" today and I am so elated and I just want to smish her face all day. All she's ever wanted in life is to meet the perfect guy (for her) and make babies. And now her dream seems to be coming true. Honestly, she deserves this happiness and I always want her to smile like she was smiling today and I want to meet my future nieces and nephews and travel to Europe to see them... Oh, right. See? That's the problem. Once they get married, Pily is moving to Germany with her husband. EUROPE. So yeah. I'm beyond selfish. But I'm so scared. No more Pily to hear me bitch and moan about Glee... no more Pily to go fo...

I tend to be a homebody. I've had the same group of friends since I was 12 (same BEST friend since I was six). I am perceived as a bubbly, caring person. Most people don't realize that I'm shy until they see me around a cute boy (trufax and yes, very pathetic). But right now, seeing that all of my friends are moving out or are getting married or engaged, I feel very alone. Like everyone's crossed the finish line and I'm only on my first lap. It's tiring and I know it has everything to do with the fact that I'm going through yet another quarter-life crisis, but I really can't help it. Life is suffocating me and I need out. Only a few more thousand dollars to go and I can move to Montreal.

I have a confession. I used to sing. Like, a lot. I wasn't bad at it, but it seemed so unrealistic to me that someone could attain this dream. This secret speaks to me.

the days when I'd update this blog every other day. I mean, I used to live for this blog. It was my second journal (seeing as I don't really share any private info on here... yikes!) and I'd write an entry with gusto. Now, I don't even journal in my private journal. What's wrong with me? I love writing and want to write books for a living. My life's ambition is to publish a handful of novels and kids' books, slowly building a name for myself until the day I can own my own magazine. le sigh. I miss my drive. I miss my brainstorming sessions; when I would plan worlds, characters and scenarios. People-watching was my all-time favourite pastime. Anyway, whether I want to or not, I'm going to force myself to write a character sketch... TONIGHT. This instance, even. *clears throat* Name No clue YET. Still need to research a name for this girl... Girl, 15 years old, high school student At fifteen years, BLANKG is poised to enter high school. She's nervous,...

If there was a game about wasting time, I would be the High Scorer, bar none. At the moment, I am a tad overwhelmed. One might say that I brought this upon myself and ordinarily, I would take offense to this statement. This time, however, I heartily agree. Fuck. There is so much shit that I have to do before I go back to Edmonton and, heh! I leave for E-Ville in three weeks. THREE weeks. FuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUck. Nothing a well thought out list can't fix. Thing is, I have to remember to include chill time in my list, because if I don't schedule some relaxation time, I will forget to take breaks. Oh my. It is going to be a very long week.

Music and Soccer are undoubtedly my two favourite activities. How can anyone live without either of them?  Soccer: Keeps us healthy Is HOTTT Could be the means to achieve World Peace Is accessible to all Music: Keeps us healthy Is HOTTT (think of all the babies that music has helped make!) Could be the means to achieve World Peace (Hello?? Bob Marley?? Were you not one of the smartest men ever?? Hell yes!) Is accessible to all *Sigh* Today I am le triste. I don't really know why. I'm having A BLAST here in Montreal, I've started working on my communications project, I love my friends here, and two of my best friends are visiting me this week! I have no effing reason to feel ... weird.  Anyway, my two loves are the solution, I think! Soccer makes me feel happy and passionate, and music makes me feel everything a million times more. I think that's why I'm thinking about both of them right now. I just want to feel. Better listen to Plans on repeat today... Fuck, I love...

It's weird thinking that I will be completely alone this summer. No family, no friends; just me. I am a little bird... flapping her wings to FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Haha! I know I'm a geek, but I'm so stoked for my Independent Summer. I've wanted to experience independence since I was seventeen. I know what I'm about to relate is counter-argumentative, but during every single career day in high school, I would avoid the job fair and universities at all costs. 'Who needed education when you had passion for life?' I thought. Apparently my friends didn't agree. Chantal was the first of my friends to embrace her future when she applied at the UofA. I did nothing. Then Janis applied. I did nothing. Then my art teacher, Mr. Matsuba, told us all during art class about Student A and Student B. Student A applied to college, got a part-time job, earned his degree, got a real job and is now a big boy. Student B, however, took a year off after high school, he travelled ...

I wonder if my life has already been planned out.   Does somebody somewhere, out in the great wide world, know what will become of me? Will I achieve my lifelong ambitions? Will I meet a nice boy (not too tall, dark haired, dark eyed, sweet lipped) who will make me want to trust? Will I go to Brazil, surf in Rio’s salty waters and learn to be adventurous, independent, courageous?   Is there a higher power who has decided my future for me?   Why is it that these questions plague my mind late at night? Why is it harder for me to have faith in myself, in the fairness of life, when the world is quiet? Does anything really come out of these late night musings other than a complete and total feeling of dread?   I have been blessed. I have been loved. I have learned to guard my heart but not my body. I have learned that ignorance is bliss, and I intend to live in conjunction with this belief. But please, somebody somewhere, out in the great wide world, give me the comfort th...