Random Channel Surfing

  I'm feeling nostalgic.  This time last year, I was in Montreal with these good-lookin' kids. These pictures were taken on (what I think) was the best day we had there.  We started with some breakfast at a bistro a few blocks from our "apparte"; got caught in a storm; went shopping at Ste.-Catherine (where I bought us girls friendship rings); got loaded off $2 hi-balls at the world's cheapest sports bar; got more liquor at the dépanneur, which proved to be quite a fun experience for the boys; drank at Place Jacques-Cartier (just like the locals do!); watched the boats at the Vieux Port; had poutine at Nix and my old stompin' grounds, Montreal Poutine; and kicked off what was, without a doubt, the best holiday I've had to date.  Montreal is amazing, but being there with my gang made it SO MUCH BETTER.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sometime year last year, I listed all the movies and tv shows I thought I needed to watch . It's been one year, and... WELP. I kind of suck at watching tv, I guess. I've crossed-out the ones I've watched and just look at how many of them I've yet to watch. I blame it on the fact that I keep re-watching the shows I like best over-and-over-and-over again... How can I be so unproductive when I'm trying to be unproductive? Television Shows -Orphan Black -Firefly -Chuck -Parks and Rec -The IT Crowd -Les Revenants -Veronica Mars -Sherlock -Some Girls -Castle -Teen Wolf -The Newsroom* -Damages* -Call the Midwife Movies -Ruby Sparks* -Brief Interviews with Hideous Men* -Devil* -Thor -Captain America -Hulk -Crazy Stupid Love -Friends with Benefits -No Strings Attached -The Giant Mechanical Man* *Stupid Chris Messina.

I'm currently waiting to board my flight back to Edmonton. I'm comfortable; picked a prime spot right next to the phone/electronics charging station; I ate a large brunch with Janny and Wyatt just before coming to the airport; I feel like I did everything I had planned on doing on my trip. But I'm so so so sad. Leaving Montreal for the fourth time, you'd think I'd be ready for the heavy feeling in my heart, the prickling of tears in my eyes. This was an amazing trip, but I don't want to leave. I don't want to! And I feel a sense of loss and longing and dread right now that I attribute to the fact that every time I come to this city, I am forced to leave it.  And I'll be honest: after this last trip, I know I'd be extremely lonely in Montreal. This realization makes me equal parts frustrated and sad. Because I know that leaving Edmonton for Montreal will not be easy. I know that when I finally move here, I really would be all alone and fuck. ...

Tonight's the night before I fly out to Montreal with the girls and their fellas. Half of me is restless and anxious and fighting the hiccups, while the other is blissfully aware of how blessed I am to be going on this mini vacation. Seven days of mischief and laughter. Seven days of music and feasting. Seven days in the one other place on the planet where I truly feel at home. I can already smell the rain on the pavement and I can already imagine how wonderful our time there will be. How did I ever get so lucky?

Wearing red lipstick does make you more visible. The correct terminology to use here is probably "noticeable", but for a shy girl like me, you definitely feel visible . I mean, let's be honest: you can't hide when you're sporting a bright, bold colour on your lips. People point it out sometimes and those who don't see you often may just say, "You're wearing more makeup than usual!" as though wearing lipstick is the same as slapping on three coats of foundation. [Cue eye roll] Wearing red lipstick teaches you how to properly apply lipstick. When you commit to wearing red lipstick every day for a full year, you need to learn how to properly apply it. That means that I learned the importance of investing in lip liner and actually used it. I learned how to apply lipstick so that it was long-lasting, so that the colour was bright, so that it was as bold as I was pretending to feel. (I only half-kid.) I also learned how many coats to apply, where...

It's pretty much guaranteed that I'll be doing volunteer work at an orphanage in Guatemala later this year. And it's slightly terrifying to think that I'm going to realize this wish so quickly. It's slightly terrifying to think that I'm going to leave Canada for x amount of time and that I won't see any of my friends for this whole time. It's slightly terrifying to know that this is something I want. But at the same time, I'm bursting with excitement at the prospect of leaving Canada and immersing myself in Guatemalan culture. I'm delighted to think that I'll be spending time with my cousins, aunts, uncles, family . I cannot wait to help the people of Guatemala, my people, for this time; I'm looking forward to it. And who knows, really. I might decide to stay. I might fall in love with that city the same way I fell in love with Montreal. I might decide that staying there is what is best for me in the long run. I need a break from Cana...

Tamara and Sean had a beautiful wedding yesterday. It was teeny tiny (we counted less than 50 people in attendance), intimate, sweet, loving, and unforgettable. And what struck me most is that my two friends are incredibly well-suited for one another. Like my other coupled friends, their temperaments complement and balance each other out. I loved being a part of this intimate affair and am so incredibly excited for the two of them. I hope their lives together are as full of love and happiness as their wedding day was.

I live for weighing the pros against the cons and don't really see the point of doing things unless I'm 100% committed to seeing them through. Trips take  months  of deliberation and then months of planning. Even when I'm out shopping, I know what I want before entering the store and if  I don't find the specific item I'm looking for, I won't purchase anything. When things are out of my control, my movements are stilted and awkward and I radiate unease. I need to plan and organize and control. (Really, I'm a nightmare for the impulsive people in my life.) And don't get me wrong; I love spontaneity and am a spontaneous person, but rash decisions and flights of whimsy? That's not my style. The few times I've acted impulsively in the past have hurt me, so I shy away from acting on my impulses. 2012 was supposed to be the year I moved back to Montreal. I did plan for it and I definitely anticipated it, but I didn't realize this plan -- a fa...

A few weekends ago, my friend Anna married Rodrigo. In two short days, my friend Tamara will be marrying Sean. And in July, two more of my coupled friends will be tying the knot (Pasquale with Carmella, and Jen with Mark). It's a change for me; last year, I went to only one wedding, my cousin Quena's, and attended two funerals. And before Quena, I hadn't gone to a wedding since my sister Pily's in 2011. So you could say that this is a year for new beginnings and, while totally cliche, it's a thought that makes me smile. All around me people are falling in love and wanting to share their lives with the one they love most; it's inspiring and oh so sweet. I guess 2014 is officially the year of the happy couples. And that's a thought that makes me smile.

Camping is not my first choice when I'm planning a short trip. No. I usually think about going to St. Louis to visit my sis and her family, or about going to Calgary to see a concert, or about going to see Mel in Toronto. Camping is never my go-to and it's especially not ever on my list of trips I'd like to take. Like, ever. And it's not that I don't like camping, or that I've never done it, but rather that when I think of taking trips, I envision myself touring museums, or seeing a band live. I never really think about campfire and woodsmoke. I never consider sleeping on the cold soil. I never think about spending an entire day in the sun. But this May long weekend, the three ladies, their fellas, Dustin, and I met at Pigeon Lake for one of the most loved-up weekends I've had in a long time. Our days consisted of snacking and chatting and we passed the time enjoying ourselves by the fire at night. Our last night, the coldest night, we picked each othe...

This year's SONiC Boom has quite the lineup. Jack White. Death Cab for Cutie. The Arctic Monkeys. Tegan and Sara. DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE. Foster the People. The New Pornographers. Stars. MS MR. July Talk. Oh. And DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE. There are more bands (obvi), but the amount of sheer excitement I feel over the bands I listed (one in particular... not sure you can figure which one I'm referring to...) is ridiculous! I thought going to Montreal for Osheaga would be enough, but no. Sonic had to go and book THE ARCTIC MONKEYS, FOSTER THE PEOPLE, AND DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE. I feel like I'm going to be thinking in caps for the rest of the week.

There's too much I don't understand about my heritage; too much I want to understand about my heritage. And this seed has been germinating since my entire family (sisters, brother-in-law, parents, and niblings) went to Guatemala in December 2009, where Cristiane's best friend Ceci and her husband explained to me how you can rent bungalows in Flores, near the Mayan pyramids, for a pretty fair price; has been germinating since I realized that so much about the way I behave -- polite to the extreme -- is a mix of my two cultural identities. Canadians are known for their polite, over-apologetic nature, but Guatemalans are the same way. So when you think about it, my behaviour is an effect of those  two cultures. I am  two times more likely to go out of my way to help a stranger; two times more likely to over-thank someone for a favour. And it's not that I don't want to be in Edmonton. It's not that I've given up on my idea of moving to Montreal. It's not...

I was right about Outkast, Lorde, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Foster the People, Haim, Arctic Monkeys, Cut Copy, and the 1975. Kinda bummed that none of France's "biggest acts" are on the board. *whomp whomp* So. We gotta wait 140 days before we leave on July 30. Soon .

Predictions Outkast Seeing as they're slated to play ~40 festivals this year, it makes sense to assume that Big Boi and André 3000 would make an appearance at Osheaga. Not to mention the fact that Big Boi played last year and, per Nix's reasoning, he did it so he could scout out the place in case he and André decided to reunite. Logic. I know for a fact that both Janny and Nix would delight if they did! Lorde Seeing as she's playing Coachella, I just figure she'll be at Osheaga. I don't see why she wouldn't. Besides, she hasn't announced any dates past April for her world tour and the fact she's keeping those dates under wraps/unconfirmed makes me think she's not allowed to publicize them until the festival lineups come out. Make sense? I know I'd be S-T-O-K-E-D right the fuck out if I saw her live. Chick is awesome. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds I think that Rylan is going to see them with Dustin when they're in town this year, but I f...

I didn't think I would celebrate my birthday this year. I thought March 4th would be a quiet day; no work, all sleep, some reading, a lot of vegging. I am happy to say that my expectations were 100% off. Originally, I thought I was meeting with Nicole, Rylan, and Char and her new guy for drinks after 7:00. That was the plan. Nicole would pick me up on her way home and we'd meet Char's new boo. So she picks me up and we meet with Rylan and all the while Nix is freaking out because we're late, but I keep reminding her that it will all be okay. That Char knew she had a late meeting. It never occurred to me that she was freaking out because of me. So we find parking and the three of us walk into the Pour House on Whyte and, lo and behold: My friends are all there! Jenn, Dave, Dustin, Wyatt, Janis, Tasha, and my dearest Char. When I turned around, Nix was smiling and it never once crossed my mind that my friends would go to all that trouble of throwing me a birthday ...

Promise me that this coming year will be a year of accomplishments and an abundance of happiness. Swear that you will be open and let love, in all its forms, into your life. That you will not cower in fear of the unknown, but will meet it head-on. Dear heart, please don't be a chicken. Don't play it safe. Don't lock people out. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't self-sabotage. Don't build castles in the sky. Don't put him on a pedestal. Don't read into anything. Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't expect things to play out a certain way. Admit when you are happy. Admit when you feel loved-up. Admit to those secret dreams you say you're too cynical to want. Admit that certain aspects of your life are wanting. Admit that you have work to do. Admit that you are fallible. Admit that things don't always pan out the way we planned, and that's okay. That's okay. Dear heart, please accept things as they come. Please be braver. Pleas...

I turn 28 next Tuesday. That's two years closer to 30 and 10 years further away from the age I was when I graduated high school. What this tells me is that I'm old. And not a cool old like 87 or 110, but the "responsible" old. The old that should have her shit together. The past few birthdays have been really good. Gone are the days when I would fret over the fact I was turning a year older. Gone are the days when I would miss my youth. I don't miss my youth. I feel grateful that I got to live another year; feel grateful that I got to experience a few really amazing things my 27th year; feel grateful that I got to meet some incredible people; feel grateful that I got to befriend people who taught me about myself and helped me see things in a fresh perspective. I know what you're thinking; you're probably reading this and shaking your head, saying, "But Marcela, you just wrote that you don't have your shit together. That implies that you'...

If you had to choose between a semi-permanent state of indecision and settling on a scary decision, which would you choose? It's been a little under a year since I realized that all my Pollyanna humming and hawing has more to do with my complacency than actual happiness at the state in which I am. It was a really disheartening realization since it made me feel like a phony; how could I believe -- to my very core -- that I was happy with my life, when all I felt was "meh"? So it's been close to a year of soul searching and spending money trying to figure out what I want. It was money well-spent and I feel that I've improved as a person; nothing life altering, of course, but enough for me to realize that I have a lot of room for improvement in my life. And the one thing that sticks out in all my soul-searching and investing in myself is this: I need to make a change. A radical change. My move to Montreal didn't happen in 2012 like I'd planned; I still ...

If my life were a novel and 2013 was the year of my character development, then logic dictates that 2014 has to be a year of action and plot progression, right? That's  if  my life were a novel, which it is not. Regardless, to ensure that I maximize my potential in 2014, I've already decided I'm going to break my bad habit of talking down to myself. Like I was telling Janis a few days ago, I am getting better at being more caring towards myself, but I still struggle with my initial reaction after I do something unsavoury. I am getting better at it, though; I rectify my choice of words and correct my language. So, when I say, "That was dumb", I now take a pause and say, "No, that was not an ideal reaction, but at least I was honest." Further, I decided a few months back that I was going to learn how to drum this year. So, for my birthday on March 4th, I'm going to gift myself with some lessons. I took vocal lessons in my teens and really enjoyed t...