Random Channel Surfing

Ten years ago, I was in the middle of planning my temporary move to Montreal. I was both excited about the move and anxious about living away from my family and friends. It was exhilarating and I was very optimistic about the temporary relocation. When I talked to Nicolas (the guy whose lease I was taking over) on April 4, 2008, I didn't have a clue that I would undergo as much as I did when I lived in Montreal. It might not seem like a whole lot to an outsider, but Montreal living was my first real taste at complete solitude. It was the first time I took a bite out of life and understood what it meant to be an adult. It was also the first time I fell in real love. I've mentioned my past loves on this platform. From First Him through to Third Him, I have detailed how my love for these men shaped me into the woman I am today. Well this post isn't going to be about them. No. This post is going to be dedicated to that moment in time when I genuinely felt in love with mys...

Is there a way of liking a person without feeling like you're in middle school?

And it's scary only because it shows me how fucked up my coping mechanisms are. I realized yesterday that I tend to eat in relation to my heart. When I first fell in love, I was healthy. Eating the right foods, exercising... taking care of myself. But after my heart was broken that first time, I stopped eating. Literally. I lost my appetite and became afraid of ingesting food. For some twisted reason, I thought that eating would make things worse. And for the following three years after that incident, I struggled with an eating disorder. The second time I fell in love, I took even better care of my body. I felt good. I loved eating and was afraid of skipping meals for fear of falling into my old patterns. But when it came time for the inevitable end... my eating habits changed. I was lucky I didn't fall into another eating disorder, but it's very telling to me that every time things don't go well romantically, I stop eating. Add to that the fact that there are times in...