Random Channel Surfing

Cryptic post is cryptic. Just know that I'm creating a change. I feel oddly liberated.

Preston Meyers Nick Stokes Lilo Amélie Poulain Princess Ariel Anne Shirley Jane Eyre Rachel Berry Charlotte York Ducky Milly Wilder Peeta Mellark Samantha Baker Steve Butabi

 

I was reminded of a few things. 1) The main reason why I quit. (And it had little to do with me falling out of love with my job.) 2) That I caught a few coworkers in compromising positions... 3) That I used to have the hugest crush on one of our patrons! (He doesn't go to the theatre very much now...) 4) That drama is errywhere! After talking to Mavis, Zee and Amanda, I kind of want to go back. Silly me. But then again, I used to fantasize about working there. I really loved it.

I will actually achieve my dream of going to Brazil. That is if the world doesn't end this year. ;)

Like the guilt I didn't feel before is catching up on me. And maybe it's because I have an uncanny sense of karma, but I feel as though my actions are going to catch up with me. Whether I won't achieve my dreams or I'll get fired or will go from job to job to job without success, I will pay somehow for what I did. And no matter what people tell me, I did get her fired. Ugh. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Endless heaps of guilt for miles and miles. I know she was incompetent. I know she caused more trouble for us. I know she knew nothing about editing or writing. I know all of those things. But I cost her her job . All because I told my boss she was missing things during her edits. If I'd kept my mouth shut...

When someone posts a congratulatory message on your facebook, but only writes "HAPPY", how should you interpret it? Should you fill in the blanks for them or assume they don't know why they're congratulating you? Should you even acknowledge it? So many questions and I don't have a clue...

I love Melissa at FUSS. I'm being 100% honest when I say that she is one of the few people on this planet I trust with my hair. She has great vision, great taste and is oh so cool :) So yeah... it's safe to say I like this change.

It was uber-long. I mean, I grew it out for a year and a half, got regular cuts to keep the ends from splitting, took great care of it, really, and to celebrate my 26th birthday, I'm cutting it all off! I'm ready for a change. So, I put it in a pony, braided it, and got my moms to chop it all off! It's a brand new year for me :)

The big bad birthday is coming up. And I'm okay with it. It's unnerving. I remember dreading, hating, fearing my birthday. I didn't like the attention, the pressure of deciding who was invited and who wasn't. Then the added pressure of more responsibilities. Yeah. I like to worry. But now? I'm excited! I might not be where I'd planned on being; I might not have achieved the things I'd wanted. But I've learned to accept that life is unexpected, so I should celebrate whenever there is cause for it. And, to be honest, 26 isn't a scary age. I remember my oldest sister Cristiane was busy getting ready for her wedding when she was 26. She was hardly home, but she was still as fun-loving and immature at 26 as she was at 20. Pily, my middle sister, was in Italy getting her degree in interior architecture when she was 26. She did more partying at ages 26 and 27 than she did when she was in her teens. Now I'm not saying I'm go...

Fuck, I'm so emo. I don't know what I'm going to do and it's debilitating. I feel lost and restless and terrified. Again. It was silly of me to think that my life would stay in a happy place; life is unpredictable and we can't control its stasis or its changes. And that's part of the magic, isn't it? But when you're clinging to the few things that are going well... you tend to forget that certain areas aren't totally perfect. You're content; thinking that all is well. So when life makes a sudden uwee and you're heading in the exact opposite direction, you can't help but feel abandoned. That's how I'm feeling right now.