in my solitude: a series of musings
I love eating by myself.
I can be as loud -- slurping, gnashing, moaning -- as I want to be. I can be improper and unladylike and as gross as I see fit. I can devour a banana in two gargantuan bites. I can savour pudding for as long as I like. I can use utensils if I want to, forego them if I don't. All in my own company.
No one to gawk or chuckle at my less-than-stellar table manners. No one to rush me, no one to make the usual "were you raised by wolves?" comments.
Sweet silence, sweet solitude, sweet food.
I love going for long walks by myself.
I can people-watch -- imagine that two strangers fall in love under the city skyline -- to my heart's content. I can pop into shops and peruse new book titles, clothes, albums, etc. I can saunter on a lazy, glum-filled day. I can walk at my own fast pace on happy, loved-up days. All with only me for company.
No one can tell me to "slow down" and that I "walk too fast for a short girl". No one to interrupt the elaborate stories I weave in my mind.
It's just me, myself, and I.
I love being alone in my own space -- my room my living room mine -- doing what I want to do. I can nap or read or write or watch a movie or tv show. I can opt to do the laundry, or ignore it for another day. I can sleep all day and stay awake all night. I can do as I please without having anyone there to judge me.
No one to persist that I have to clean house, or that I should do something "productive". No one to decide what I do with my time.
I love my solitude and I love myself best when I'm alone.
I don't feel strange or self-conscious when I have only myself for company. I relish those moments of total solitude. Moments when I don't have to watch what I do or how I act are the moments I feel most myself. And I do worry that if a time comes when I fall in love, that I will prefer being with him over being alone and that... well that terrifies me. I've never been fully committed to anyone other than myself and I wonder what eating with someone on a daily basis will do to me. I've never had anyone want to spend every free moment of their time with me and I wonder what walking alongside them will change about me. I've never had someone completely invade my space with their presence and their energy and them and I wonder how I will cope with that.
I love being alone. But I'm starting to wonder.
I can be as loud -- slurping, gnashing, moaning -- as I want to be. I can be improper and unladylike and as gross as I see fit. I can devour a banana in two gargantuan bites. I can savour pudding for as long as I like. I can use utensils if I want to, forego them if I don't. All in my own company.
No one to gawk or chuckle at my less-than-stellar table manners. No one to rush me, no one to make the usual "were you raised by wolves?" comments.
Sweet silence, sweet solitude, sweet food.
I love going for long walks by myself.
I can people-watch -- imagine that two strangers fall in love under the city skyline -- to my heart's content. I can pop into shops and peruse new book titles, clothes, albums, etc. I can saunter on a lazy, glum-filled day. I can walk at my own fast pace on happy, loved-up days. All with only me for company.
No one can tell me to "slow down" and that I "walk too fast for a short girl". No one to interrupt the elaborate stories I weave in my mind.
It's just me, myself, and I.
I love being alone in my own space -- my room my living room mine -- doing what I want to do. I can nap or read or write or watch a movie or tv show. I can opt to do the laundry, or ignore it for another day. I can sleep all day and stay awake all night. I can do as I please without having anyone there to judge me.
No one to persist that I have to clean house, or that I should do something "productive". No one to decide what I do with my time.
I love my solitude and I love myself best when I'm alone.
I don't feel strange or self-conscious when I have only myself for company. I relish those moments of total solitude. Moments when I don't have to watch what I do or how I act are the moments I feel most myself. And I do worry that if a time comes when I fall in love, that I will prefer being with him over being alone and that... well that terrifies me. I've never been fully committed to anyone other than myself and I wonder what eating with someone on a daily basis will do to me. I've never had anyone want to spend every free moment of their time with me and I wonder what walking alongside them will change about me. I've never had someone completely invade my space with their presence and their energy and them and I wonder how I will cope with that.
I love being alone. But I'm starting to wonder.
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