Real talk, but I'm the biggest coward who ever cowered.
There's this guy. (Isn't this how most of my entries start?) And this guy is very cute in my opinion. And I've actually made a move on him. A move. I rarely make a move on men I find attractive because I like having the ball in my court. I loathe divulging my attraction because then it's this back-and-forth between the two of us where he makes a consequent move and then I counter that move and yes, I'm well aware that this is how relationships (be they platonic, professional, romantic, whatever) start, but I so prefer to live in the fantasy world where I place this man on a pedestal and he just remains blissfully unaware of my attraction to him.
So I'm a coward. And while I take no pleasure in speaking this truth, it's a truth I know about myself. Some people are brazen and impulsive no matter the situation; I am rarely brazen and impulsive in any situation, but I'm especially cautious when it comes to relationships. Quite honestly, I need several shots of liquid courage to be brazen around a man I find attractive.
For example, take the man this post is about. I "met" him in March. I say "met" because we exchanged names and an awkward hug (I took one too many shots of liquid courage that night) and called it a night. Fast-forward to this week where we "met" once more. I say "met" this time because our introduction was a product of an online dating app that uses bumble bees as their mascot. But I digress... I made my move on him and I've gotten diddly from him. (Not a double-entendre.) Talk about getting a swift kick in the ego region...
I am paralyzed with fear a lot of the time. Especially when it comes to going after what I want. And what I want... well, that would fill several books, I think. But, in this context, what I want from this human person is some recognition; some back-and-forth; some hint that he was interested in pursuing something more with me then and that he's interested in pursuing something more with me now. I mean, why swipe right when you have no intention of responding, asshole?!
So I'm giving him some time to reply. If he doesn't, well... too bad for him. And I'll keep saying this to myself until I believe it's true.
So I'm a coward. And while I take no pleasure in speaking this truth, it's a truth I know about myself. Some people are brazen and impulsive no matter the situation; I am rarely brazen and impulsive in any situation, but I'm especially cautious when it comes to relationships. Quite honestly, I need several shots of liquid courage to be brazen around a man I find attractive.
For example, take the man this post is about. I "met" him in March. I say "met" because we exchanged names and an awkward hug (I took one too many shots of liquid courage that night) and called it a night. Fast-forward to this week where we "met" once more. I say "met" this time because our introduction was a product of an online dating app that uses bumble bees as their mascot. But I digress... I made my move on him and I've gotten diddly from him. (Not a double-entendre.) Talk about getting a swift kick in the ego region...
I am paralyzed with fear a lot of the time. Especially when it comes to going after what I want. And what I want... well, that would fill several books, I think. But, in this context, what I want from this human person is some recognition; some back-and-forth; some hint that he was interested in pursuing something more with me then and that he's interested in pursuing something more with me now. I mean, why swipe right when you have no intention of responding, asshole?!
So I'm giving him some time to reply. If he doesn't, well... too bad for him. And I'll keep saying this to myself until I believe it's true.
Comments