INT: My room (Lily Allen's "Fuck You" playing in the background.)
My dad always says that you have twice the number of problems if you get angry with someone.
Problem one is that someone wronged you.
Problem two is that you chose to get angry or upset with this person.
For the most part, this piece of fatherly advice is easy to follow. But there are days -- my god there are days -- when anger is the only emotion I can feel after someone unintentionally or intentionally does something to cause me harm. And I don't know what's worse in these instances; would I rather someone harm me on purpose, or would it be easier if they did it without any intent to hurt me?
No one on the planet is 100% pure goodness, or 100% pure evil. It's harder for some of us to be kind and tolerant and good sometimes, while it's some people's default. The same can be said about those of us who find it harder to be cranky and intolerant and mean -- no one is all faults and no good traits.
And I think that's why it's hard for me to understand and empathize with those people who unintentionally cause me harm. It's just so careless -- as though my feelings are unimportant -- and it's in that realization that I feel anger.
I can't help but feel angry right now, for example. I know I'll look back on this time sometime in the future and roll my eyes at the way I'm behaving. But, for now, the anger I feel is so intertwined with disappointment and sadness (I even feel disillusioned and frustrated -- and, yes, even confused -- if I'm being perfectly honest), that I can't sift it out.
I know that there's nothing I can do to change the way things are and I know that, as my wonderful dad always says, I have twice the number of problems by getting angry (and choosing to stay angry), but I know that the way I feel is real and that in allowing myself to feel that way, I'm honouring myself. So I'll just say, "fuck it" and revel in this anger. For now, at least.
Fuck 'im.
Problem one is that someone wronged you.
Problem two is that you chose to get angry or upset with this person.
For the most part, this piece of fatherly advice is easy to follow. But there are days -- my god there are days -- when anger is the only emotion I can feel after someone unintentionally or intentionally does something to cause me harm. And I don't know what's worse in these instances; would I rather someone harm me on purpose, or would it be easier if they did it without any intent to hurt me?
No one on the planet is 100% pure goodness, or 100% pure evil. It's harder for some of us to be kind and tolerant and good sometimes, while it's some people's default. The same can be said about those of us who find it harder to be cranky and intolerant and mean -- no one is all faults and no good traits.
And I think that's why it's hard for me to understand and empathize with those people who unintentionally cause me harm. It's just so careless -- as though my feelings are unimportant -- and it's in that realization that I feel anger.
I can't help but feel angry right now, for example. I know I'll look back on this time sometime in the future and roll my eyes at the way I'm behaving. But, for now, the anger I feel is so intertwined with disappointment and sadness (I even feel disillusioned and frustrated -- and, yes, even confused -- if I'm being perfectly honest), that I can't sift it out.
I know that there's nothing I can do to change the way things are and I know that, as my wonderful dad always says, I have twice the number of problems by getting angry (and choosing to stay angry), but I know that the way I feel is real and that in allowing myself to feel that way, I'm honouring myself. So I'll just say, "fuck it" and revel in this anger. For now, at least.
Fuck 'im.
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