Random Channel Surfing

She doesn't know whether the resentment she feels is valid. She knows that he did everything in his power to help her; is aware that he's put himself out for her; and yet, she resents him. She resents that he believes she needs his help. She resents that he knows she'd be lost without him. Most of all, she resents that he didn't choose her in the end. It's never easy when one person loves more than another. She's proof that things don't ever work out the way we want them to. She watches him walk away, her gaze faltering slightly when he reaches his wife. She bites down on her cheek, willing the traitorous tears to stay in their ducts. She feels his eyes on her and, when she meets his remorseful gaze, she feels the anger rise up like lava in an active volcano. She turns on her heel, leaving him, leaving the life she dreamed she'd have when he'd choose her, leaving her old life in ruins. She walks with purpose, her heels click-clacking on the c...

I just finished my first short story. It's very short. I think that's about the only definite thing I can say about it, seeing as I'm not overly keen with the actual story or writing. Still, I want to keep my writing mojo going; I don't want to fall into a weird habit of not writing and then having to re-work those creative muscles back again when I finally write my novel. Because I want to make one thing clear to everyone -- especially myself -- NaNoWriMo taught me that I can write a novel. It showed me that I have the stamina and perseverance to write every day and to actually form a narrative. Knowing what I do post-Nano, I know that it's only a matter of time until I write my book. However, I know that I have to work hard to keep writing. I might write a little bit every day on this blog, but it's rarely a short story. In order for me to improve as a storyteller, I know that for me, personally, creative writing is the way to go. So, although the story I ...

Now that November has come to a close and that I'm not obligated to put fingers to keyboard and write, I'm in a weird mood. I wrote the 50 K so I am a winner , but I didn't finish my story. I had about seven scenes left to write, including the conclusion, and a handful of unfinished scenes to complete, but in my quest to attain 50 K words, the story fell by the wayside and I'm left with an unfinished tale. And now, a day after I reached 50,293 words, part of me feels compelled to visit Adia and Nate and Brendan and finish their story. Tamara asked if I would finish my story, given that I want to keep writing. To be honest, as tempting as that idea is, I think I'm going to wait to finish it. NaNoWriMo makes the Wrimos (the name they use for anyone who participated) promise they'll revise their novel in the "Now What?" months, January and February. Waiting until then will be better because I'll be looking at my story with fresh eyes. I'm not en...

November 30, 2015 will go down as the day I reached 50K words after a thirty-day endeavour to write my first novel. November 30 is also Lucy Maud Montgomery's date of birth. As anyone who knows me can attest, I've always wanted to be LM Montgomery.  Having achieved this goal, I feel like I have a leg up on my writing career. 

This year, I was very lucky to be able to take several trips. I went to Orlando in February. Vancouver in April. St. Louis (and Chicago!) in July. New York City in October. And, next month, I'm going to Frankfurt for Christmas. So, after a someone on Twitter posted an article on the impact of carbon emissions from planes and jetliners, I was appalled at how I had contributed to the carbon emissions in the air. I factored in all the flights that I took (over ten throughout the year!) and, after some soul-searching, realized that I couldn't -- in good conscience -- take any more flights for a year. It was a hard choice to make. I love traveling and had already made plans for trips I could take in 2016. There was Prince Edward Island in June. Possibly Las Vegas in the fall. And, if I was lucky, a trip to see my older sister in the States again. Sure, it was only three trips, but three trips I had already semi-decided on taking. Now, after realizing that all the fligh...

This month is National Novel Writing Month, also known as NaNoWriMo. I've been a member of NaNo for close to five years and have attempted to start writing a novel three times already. Each time I started writing my novel, however, I would give up because the words felt forced and the story wasn't flowing and I was too hung up on how awful everything was coming out. Instead of just letting the words flow through, I was fixating on my shortcomings and, regrettably, gave up a few paragraphs, sometimes sentences in. This year, Tamara and I decided that we would participate and that we would write a novel by the end of November. In this case, a novel is the equivalent of 50 000 words and, so far, I'm at 36 666. SAY WHAT?! It's funny, but the story is flowing and the characters have a life of their own; they're behaving in ways I never intended them to and they're doing things that are morally repulsive to me. I love it! But I think the reason why this story is f...

I saw First Him at Southgate mall yesterday. I was walking into the mall, scanning the people on their way in and out, when my eyes landed on an average height dude, wearing a navy blue sweater and skinny jeans. My first thought was, "He's cute" and my eyes flitted away when I thought, "Wait, was that him?" I did a double-take, craned my neck back to look again and realized it was First Him. He hasn't changed. He even has the same haircut. His sense of fashion has improved, though.

I love eating by myself. I can be as loud -- slurping, gnashing, moaning -- as I want to be. I can be improper and unladylike and as gross as I see fit. I can devour a banana in two gargantuan bites. I can savour pudding for as long as I like. I can use utensils if I want to, forego them if I don't. All in my own company. No one to gawk or chuckle at my less-than-stellar table manners. No one to rush me, no one to make the usual "were you raised by wolves?" comments. Sweet silence, sweet solitude, sweet food. I love going for long walks by myself. I can people-watch -- imagine that two strangers fall in love under the city skyline -- to my heart's content. I can pop into shops and peruse new book titles, clothes, albums, etc. I can saunter on a lazy, glum-filled day. I can walk at my own fast pace on happy, loved-up days. All with only me for company. No one can tell me to "slow down" and that I "walk too fast for a short girl". No one ...

As I mentioned in previous entries, Rylan's actual birthday is October 31st. To celebrate his lovely life, Nicole and Rylan always throw what is, in my opinion, the best party of the year.  There's yummy food, amazing people, tasty booze, bumpin' jams, and hilarious costumes. Really, I blame Rylan and Nicole for my new-found love and appreciation for Halloween. As is always the case with me, I took a buttload of pictures. I'm sharing a few of my favourites with you.  Hipster Ariel and (Ashley) Spinelli. Two Disney heroines who are out to fight the patriarchy. Beautiful Char - This girl is so amazing. Mary Poppins and "Chip On-his-shoulder". Swingers! Sch-wing! Professor Chaos and Spinelli. Two animated badasses.  I truly love Seth. Not only is he the kindest soul, but he's all kinds of fun!  Our lovely hosts: Grandma and Grandpa! (Side note: Don't my friends clean up well??? For senior citizens that is...) Grandma ...

I used to loathe having to dress up on Halloween for work. My coworkers thought I was a killjoy and would be annoyed if I didn’t participate, but I just wasn't comfortable. I mean, sure, my boss and everyone else was decked out in their costumes, but I just didn't want any part of it. Although, to be fair, I used to loathe having to dress up for Halloween in general. After my 14th birthday, I just didn’t see the point to costumes and make believe if I wasn’t getting anything out of it (and by that I mean candy. I do a LOT of things of things I don’t want to do for candy). So I would go as "me" to parties, opting to spend the night in, watching horror flicks or my favourite Halloween movies. The last three years, though, I’ve really gotten into the Halloween spirit! I blame Rylan, who’s birthday is on October 31st, for this. The year Nicole officially moved into her house, she hosted a birthday party for Rylan, which started the tradition of celebrating Rylan'...

Not entirely out of order, but not entirely in order either. Remind myself how problematic he is (counting calories, misaligning political ideologies, racist comments, etc) Delete his phone number from my phone. Avoid places and events I know he's attending. Repeat the words, "God, I hate him" whenever I think about him. Convince myself I'll never see him again. Imagine that his breath is nas ty = crush almost over. Make a secret playlist of songs that remind me of him. Write a list of why he sucks. Rationalize why we wouldn't work out. Get sad when Nicole challenges this belief. Imagine him with another woman who -- in my mind -- is a better fit for him than I would be. Help him romance said woman. Get sad when Nicole challenges this belief (yes, this happens twice for two different reasons).  Force myself to like someone new whilst I simultaneously... Avoid the opposite sex like it's my part-time job. Take a trip or two or five. Drown m...

It's a new soundtrack  I could dance to this beat  Forever more  The lights are so bright  But they never blind me  Welcome to New York  It's been waiting for you  Welcome to New York

Going through this blog, I know who I was smitten with by the content of the things I would post. First Him was for the first few years. I know this because the first few years are littered with posts in which I confess to starving myself or wanting to escape Edmonton because everywhere I looked, there were memories of him. Second Him was from the summer of 2008 and onward. I was constantly fretting over not seeing him, or seeing him, or knowing he would never feel the way I did. But liking second Him wasn't only about him per se; liking and thinking about him was also tied to my one true love: Montreal. Montreal is the one constant in my posts. My love for this city has never wavered and you'll find posts sprinkled throughout this blog as odes to the city; it may just be my one great love, seeing as I've gone through bouts in my life where I hardly notice men, but my adoration for Montreal is ongoing. I had a bit of a break from getting random crushes on men when I...

For close to fifteen years, September 21 has been a day of big events. I've had my heart broken on September 21 (twice); have moved clear across the country; have celebrated loved ones' happy occasions. But this year, nothing happened. In fact, I'll go as far as saying that today was a happy day. Thank goodness today was a good day.

Now that I've compiled a list of all the tv shows and movies I need (yes, need ) to watch before the end of this year, I'm realizing that I should have had a stay-cation this year. Ah, regrets. Television Shows -My Mad Fat Diary (series three) -Firefly -Chuck -Parks and Rec -Les Revenants -Veronica Mars -Castle -Call the Midwife -Psych -House of Cards -Daredevil -Sense8 -The Walking Dead (seasons three to now ugh) -Leverage (season five) -Vikings -The 100 -Poldark -UnREAL -Girl Meets World -Game of Thrones (season three onward...) -Extant Movies -Ruby Sparks -Thor -Hulk -Crazy Stupid Love -Friends with Benefits -No Strings Attached -Spy -Ant-Man -Jupiter Ascending -The Lovely Bones -Guardians of the Galaxy -You're Next

A video posted by Marcela (@marsgarc) on Aug 7, 2015 at 8:28pm PDT

  I'm feeling nostalgic.  This time last year, I was in Montreal with these good-lookin' kids. These pictures were taken on (what I think) was the best day we had there.  We started with some breakfast at a bistro a few blocks from our "apparte"; got caught in a storm; went shopping at Ste.-Catherine (where I bought us girls friendship rings); got loaded off $2 hi-balls at the world's cheapest sports bar; got more liquor at the dépanneur, which proved to be quite a fun experience for the boys; drank at Place Jacques-Cartier (just like the locals do!); watched the boats at the Vieux Port; had poutine at Nix and my old stompin' grounds, Montreal Poutine; and kicked off what was, without a doubt, the best holiday I've had to date.  Montreal is amazing, but being there with my gang made it SO MUCH BETTER.

It's always so much fun when I can see my lovely girls during the week! It's a shame that Jenn couldn't join us, but she's usually so tuckered out during the week that when she bowed out, we totally understood. Also, side note: I strongly recommend Magic Mike XXL. So much hot. Too much hot. I almost want to watch it again haha!

Nicole sent out an email to all of us bridesmaids as a way of introducing us to one another. She wrote a paragraph on each of us and I just love what she wrote about me. The woman knows me very well. It's going to be so awesome sharing another adventure with her :) Gah! I'm so excited for Nicole and Rylan's wedding day!

I think one of my biggest flaws is how impatient I am. I am constantly trying to find the Next Big Thing (NBT) in my life, worried that I am missing out. I don't know what to do anymore, though. I'm feeling frustrated that my life seems to be at a standstill, despite the fact that I'm happy with the way things are going. I mean there's all this internal pressure for me to conform to certain societal standards and it's stressing me out to the point that I'm itching for the remote, trying to find a way to fast-forward to the NBT. ... And then... then this awful, creeping sensation sneaks up on me: What if there is no Next Big Thing? What if I'm meant to have this same mediocre life? And that's when the impatience sets in again and it's a never-ending circle of malaise, this insufferable restlessness. I don't even know what I'm waiting for, exactly. Life is good right now (barring the meltdown I had a few weeks ago) and I feel fulfilled ...

I know. I'm being dramatic, but I really do have the worst luck when it comes to my favourite shows. (And by worst I mean that I get three wonderful, happy seasons of my favourite TV show and then it either goes downhill [see: Glee] or it gets cancelled [see: Happy Endings and The Mindy Project].) First, ABC cancelled Happy Endings and now Fox cancelled The Mindy Project. Both shows are well-written, and funny, and feature a diverse and talented group of actors that have amazing rapport with one another. Who could I help but fall in love with these shows? Not me, that's for sure. And now that Mindy Project is kaput, it's put my Tuesday evenings in limbo. What will I do now that Mindy and Danny won't be flirting up a storm on my TV? What will I do now that I'm deprived of seeing their child? What will I do? I can only hope that HULU or Netflix pick up where Fox left off. I was kind of hoping that they'd do the same for Happy Endings, but... life is unfair...

(I totally stole my title from Omar Mouallem on twitter.) This week, Alberta, the province that most people ( Mark Ruffalo , for instance) refer to as the Texas of Canada, elected a different party. We went from being Canada's most conservative province, to one that elected a socialist majority government. What was once mostly Progressive Conservative blue bled New Democrat orange. Even my hyper-conservative riding in Edmonton's southwest elected a New Democrat. And it's funny to me how seven short years ago during the federal elections, most people on my Facebook feed were disinterested in politics and were apathetic (you can read about that here ). Now, seven years later, all anyone can talk about is politics. As Dustin so cleverly said on Wednesday (the day after the election), "Today, all my Facebook friends become politicians." And they all did. Or, rather, all (the majority of) people on Facebook can do is argue about whether or not we're going to...

Every time I think I like someone  (Lies. I actually like someone. I'm just embarrassed that I  still  have feelings for him, so I'm saying I don't.) , I compile a list of songs that fit with my feelings for him. My current playlist includes: Talking Body (Tove Lo) Partition (Beyoncé) Elastic Heart (Sia) Soundwave (Trevor Guthrie) Blue Jeans (RAC Remix) (Lana Del Rey) Some Boys (Death Cab for Cutie) Style (Taylor Swift) Ride Wit Me (Nelly feat. St. Lunatics) Goodies (Ciara feat. Petey Pablo) Milkshake (Kelis) Get Low (Lil Jon) Izzo (H.O.V.A.) Jay Z There is no better music genre to express new ( old ) infatuations than pop music.

I decided to visit Mel in Vancouver this past weekend. We met at a bar (the Black Frog) where I met her friends Tona and Mac. We didn't stay at the Black Frog (whomp-whomp) 'cause we had to head out to a grad show at this very awesome venue a few blocks away. Mellie so smelly.  I really dug the decor there: cartoony monkeys and humans hanging off the walls and from the ceiling; plushy couches and high bar stools; accent lights and twinkle lights. It was beautiful inside! It seemed like a very fit venue for such a diverse and creative bunch. Animators are artists who, I feel, grew up wishing that they lived in the world of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, where humans and zany cartoons coexisted. Animators are hilarious and friendly and weirdly shy and very enthusiastic about the media (magazines, television shows, movies) they consume. Animators are, for lack of a better word, interesting. After the grad show, Tona went with us back to Mel's place, where we sat and chatte...

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