December 7, 2007


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Not Really A Nightmare

Usually, I dream of people I've seen once in my life. It's random stories not really belonging to me, and only sometimes, do I make a cameo appearance in my own dreams. It's always been this way. Once, I even watched Disney's The Jungle Book in its entirety as I slept. My dreams are just... random. There was a time in my youth when I was boy crazy; every boy, man, dude that crossed my path was carefully regarded and studied. I just really liked looking at them. As creepy as that sounds. So it follows that I would crush on several men in my lifetime. Feel the rush of seeing them, replaying our encounters like a never-ending loop. But I have fallen in love twice. A product, I'm sure, of my propensity for "boy craziness", combined with my annoying ability to form sentimental attachments to anyone who's open and earnest. And of those countless crushes and two men whom I've loved, I've only dreamed of one; but the sad thing is, my dreams unsettle me...
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And that's why...

.... I like him. I fight the urge to run away everyday, too. I think: I'm broke, I'm young, I have so much to learn... And I think how my escapism would hurt my loved ones. But the urge is there. It's comforting to know that he feels that way, too. Heck. It's great knowing that I'm not the only person who dreams of leaving everything behind. In other news, I have completed four out of the seven things I looked forward to doing (see this post ). I have watched Sex & the City , I went to Oasis with Amanda, I job-hunted (and found!! yay), and I had random adventures with people here in E-Town. But I'm not going to see Bedouin in October (in AB, that is), the SAC concert isn't until next weekend, and I haven't saved any money since I got back (P.S. I STILL haven't been paid for my last week in Montreal and even after I talked to them, it seems I won't see my cheque in a while... Fucking Vanessa. *grumble*) Oh lists. My new...
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leaves

She bit her bottom lip, focusing on the pain that her teeth caused on her tender flesh instead of the inadequacy she felt. Tears welled in her dark brown eyes and she could feel the knot in her throat tighten. Why? She sighed—trying to normalize her awkward breathing. Her jaw unwillingly clenched and finally, she met his gaze. She knew then that she would never see him again. Never would she hear his awkward footsteps in the morning. Creaking floorboards and rolling chairs. Never. Never. Why? His hazel eyes were dry, smiling warmly down at her. They noticed the tears and concern quickly took them over. He leaned in close. “Qu’est qu’y a?” Again, she couldn’t say anything. For months she had harboured an innocent crush on the tall boy. For months she had learned his quirks and mannerisms; loving everyone of them. She knew him better than she had ever known another guy simply due to the fact that they had shared the same roof. “Nothing,” she managed to choke… blinking the tears into obli...
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