Random Channel Surfing

Those were a complete stranger's parting words to me today. And while a part of me feels sheepish that I will tell anyone and everyone about my desire to move to Montreal, a larger (and more prominent) part of me knows that this woman's words were genuine and her wish was heartfelt. And that is enough to make my heart feel toasty.

Last night was Rylan's 26th birthday party. I went as Rosie the Riveter and was joined by other feminist icons such as the Paper Bag Princess (Tamara), Cat Woman (Janis), Wendy Darling (Nicole) and Satan as Britney Spears (Seth). It was a grand old time and fun was had by all. Steph, Jenn, and Dave joined in the fun later that night and it was SOOOO MUCH fun to see the three of them! They even ended up staying well past 2:00 in the morning! Here we see two white boys gettin' down to some Biggie. n.b.d.

lush Superfluous Sloth Gratuitous Plenty Crunch Despise Melancholy Vivacity Raindrop Crackle Cacophony Voracious Perhaps Honourable mention: napkin

In the event that I start dating someone and in the event that we stay together for a long time and in the event that we fall in love with each other and in the event that we both "friend" one another on facebook, I don't think I would change my relationship status. Nope. I wouldn't change it when we start dating. I wouldn't change it when we get engaged. I wouldn't change it when we get married. I don't see how my facebook friends -- most of whom I don't speak to -- need to know about my romantic life. The friends I do care about would know because I communicate with them on a daily basis. Family would know because, well, they're family and odds are, I'd take my spouse to Guatemala at least once during our courtship, so they'd meet them. But I personally find all the updates and all the "life event" changes to be a little attention-seeking? But that's just me.

This week's experiment has taught me that letting go isn't as hard as I'd thought it would be. I can (with hard work and some forethought) condition myself into attributing positive aspects to myself without guilt. It is necessary to refrain from adding to the never-ending cacophony of negativity that surrounds me. It taught me that any negative thoughts--be it that I'm pathetic, or ridiculous, or dumb--I unconsciously think the moment I do something embarrassing is instinctive. So what I've learned, really, is that while thinking such negative thoughts about myself is detrimental to my mental state, my emotional well-being, and, yes, especially my self-confidence, all that I readily know about myself is that I'm pathetic, ridiculous, and/or dumb (depending on the circumstance). At least that's what my instinctive reactions would have me believe. So I've been wondering these past few days, how well do I actually know myself? I mean, I used to th

So far, it's not working. Come on, tear ducts! This CD triggers a Pavlovian response from you! What the hell, dudes?

'Cause I have a crush on someone new. It's stupid 'cause we've never even met in person, but there's something really genuine about him. We'd made plans to meet tonight, but he was called out to work out in east-central Alberta for the next 21 days, so he cancelled on Monday. We text tonight for a little bit and I'm floored by how much I giggle and melt at the things he says. And no, he's not overly sentimental or romantic; I'm not fawning over sweet-nothings. What I am fawning over is how genuine and kind and thoughtful he is; he strikes me as a true gentleman and, as clichéd as it sounds, it's made me like him even more. And what I'm learning now is that I'm no longer fixating when I get a crush. I'm learning to temper my expectations ( somewhat ) and to accept things as they happen. I'm no longer obsessing over the fact a boy doesn't like me and I'm learning -- slowly (but surely) -- that it's perfectly fine for

"When we numb [hard feelings], we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.” (Brené Brown)

Over the next two weeks, I'm going to be nicer to myself. And I don't mean the pampering and TLC kind of nice, but the actual act of being kind to  myself. It's sad to admit it, but I'm so quick to judge my actions; I feel embarrassed and frustrated and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders for every mistake, every misspeak, every stammer, every twitch, every situation that is out of my control. I am very understanding and compassionate when it comes to other people. I recognize their strengths and marvel at how clever they are and feel genuine awe at how great they are. When they make a mistake, I cheer them on in silence and I sympathize with their plight. It's easy for me to be caring towards others. However. When it's me who's making the mistake, or it's me who's floundering, I get overly critical and unkind. I think things about myself that I would never think about someone else. And, while I'm terrified of admitting this

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship. ( The Great Kamryn )

These last few weeks have been cloudy, windy, and oftentimes rainy. Ideal weather for a heat-hater like me. So I've taken to listening to my "Rainy Weather" playlist on my iPod (aptly named Marcela's Mix - It's Raining! It's Pouring! Her heart is sooooaring! ) on constant loop. It has rainy day classics such as "Singin' In the Rain", "I'm Only Happy When It Rains", "Águas de Março", and some less-rain-heavy songs like Coconut Records' "West Coast" and Radiohead's "House of Cards"; songs that personally remind me of the gloomy weather for reasons. (For instance, I saw Radiohead live when I was in Montreal at Parc Jean Drapeau. It was an exterior venue and there was a torrential downpour all concert long; ideal setting for a rain-raver like me.) And the more I listen to this particular mix, the more I realize that I associate the rain and clouds and wind with Montreal. The more I realize that

If I ever marry a white man and we have passing white children, I will do everything in my power to ensure that our children are aware of their white privilege; that they will advocate for other minorities; that they will empathize and relate with minorities; that they will speak out when they see injustice; that they are kind, compassionate, and see that human suffering is not something we should ignore. Because if I ever marry a white man and we have passing white children, I don't want them to ignore the half of them that's brown; the half of them that's buried within the whiteness; the part of them that's painted over. If I ever marry a white man. If I ever have passing white children. I promise.