I'm going to try an experiment.
Over the next two weeks, I'm going to be nicer to myself. And I don't mean the pampering and TLC kind of nice, but the actual act of being kind to myself.
It's sad to admit it, but I'm so quick to judge my actions; I feel embarrassed and frustrated and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders for every mistake, every misspeak, every stammer, every twitch, every situation that is out of my control.
I am very understanding and compassionate when it comes to other people.
I recognize their strengths and marvel at how clever they are and feel genuine awe at how great they are.
When they make a mistake, I cheer them on in silence and I sympathize with their plight. It's easy for me to be caring towards others.
However.
When it's me who's making the mistake, or it's me who's floundering, I get overly critical and unkind. I think things about myself that I would never think about someone else. And, while I'm terrified of admitting this, I know the reason: I think these things about myself because I feel as though others are thinking these thoughts about me. And I want to beat them to the punch.
"Ha! You think I'm an idiot? I already knew that!"
It's mean-spirited and awful. Especially when you consider that I'm thinking these things about myself.
So I've resolved to be kinder to myself for the next two weeks. Whenever I'm about to think an unkind thought or say an unkind thing to myself (as I'm wont to do), I'm going to smother that impulse. It's time I re-trained my brain. Better late than never, right?
It's sad to admit it, but I'm so quick to judge my actions; I feel embarrassed and frustrated and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders for every mistake, every misspeak, every stammer, every twitch, every situation that is out of my control.
I am very understanding and compassionate when it comes to other people.
I recognize their strengths and marvel at how clever they are and feel genuine awe at how great they are.
When they make a mistake, I cheer them on in silence and I sympathize with their plight. It's easy for me to be caring towards others.
However.
When it's me who's making the mistake, or it's me who's floundering, I get overly critical and unkind. I think things about myself that I would never think about someone else. And, while I'm terrified of admitting this, I know the reason: I think these things about myself because I feel as though others are thinking these thoughts about me. And I want to beat them to the punch.
"Ha! You think I'm an idiot? I already knew that!"
It's mean-spirited and awful. Especially when you consider that I'm thinking these things about myself.
So I've resolved to be kinder to myself for the next two weeks. Whenever I'm about to think an unkind thought or say an unkind thing to myself (as I'm wont to do), I'm going to smother that impulse. It's time I re-trained my brain. Better late than never, right?
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