Random Channel Surfing

My beautiful best friend, my Jenn, has given birth. I still don't know the baby's name, weight, length, but I do know that I love him so fucking much already. I can't wait to see his tiny little face and I'm beside myself with joy for her and Dave. They're going to make terrific parents and the little cupcake is going to grow up to be a fabulous human.  I love this feeling! UPDATE: Baby's name is Sterling. I love it!

And while that is upsetting enough as it is, the most shameful part of it all is that someone who has no experience with politics, has no real policies, and has stoked flames of violence and hatred in his country is now the president elect. What's going to happen to people of colour, people with disabilities, people in the LGBTQIA community, and people from a religious minority? What's going to happen to people who don't have health insurance? What's going to happen to women who rely on reproductive health care? What's going to happen to our precious earth? Our resources are finite. And, right now, it feels like our love for one another is finite, too. I've been feeling so disheartened since Tuesday night. My heart feels so much despair and fear and that's not usual for me. This feeling of desolation and utter abandonment is foreign to me; I can usually find the happier side to things, the silver linings on the cloudiest of days, but this feels too bleak...

I'm always so frustrated with people who don’t have a real solution to problems. Like my friends who are against Clinton, for instance. They say neither Hillary nor Trump, but if you were to press them for a solution for not voting for either of them, I doubt they would know what to do. Eight years ago, I was hopeful and optimistic about Obama’s historic win. Tonight, before even knowing who the elected president is, I can’t muster any optimism. It’s terrifying and heartbreaking and I’m so nervous that regardless of who wins, there will be a shit storm like no other shit storm. The way people have behaved this electoral season has been shameful and upsetting and it’s made me legitimately fearful for my sister’s safety. The xenophobic fires that Donald Trump stoked will have a lasting effect on that country and if that doesn’t upset you, it obviously doesn’t affect you personally. I'm praying that Hillary wins tonight. I need her to win.

And how these two things are related. This year is interesting. And I don't mean interesting the way people use the adjective to describe something indescribable or suspect; the way people use the word when they're trying to be polite and give voice to a feeling or emotion they feel is offensive; the way the characters in the book Room use it. I mean "interesting" in that it's given me a lot of food for thought. This year has been one of growth and self-exploration. I've learned a lot about myself in terms of what I want and need, and the thing that's really struck me the most is that a lot of my creativity is dependent on my travels. Ergo, if I don't fly, my imagination won't soar. (Cheesy. Yes.) I have a theory for this: I do a lot of people-watching when I visit other cities or countries. I think my favourite part of traveling is probably waiting at the terminal before boarding my plane. And it's not because I'm not looking forward...

Today is the first day of NaNoWriMo. *cue fanfare* And... It's off to an okay start. I had three story ideas, so I decided to write all three. I don't know if I'll keep that up, but for now... it seems to be working. I mean, whenever I feel inspired for one, I'll write that. When creativity for that story is zapped, I'll start working on either of the other two stories. It's interesting because my approach to this exercise is very non-committal. All I want is to write the 50'000 words in thirty days. Past that? I don't really have any real drive or motivation or impetus. It's all about the numbers for me, baby! So I don't know if it's because I'm only going through the motions with this: Whether it's because I want to be able to say, "I've written a book!" or really if it's because I'm feeling slightly pressured, but... that's how I'm approaching this year's NaNo. Plus, let's not forget the fa...

You know when something pretty awesome happens to you, but you're too shocked to really believe it happened? Like, you can't stop pinching yourself or second-guessing your memory because it almost feels as though you're making it up. It's too good to be true. It's the kind of thing that happens to other people, but never you. Well. Something pretty awesome happened to me and I'm trying to be cool about it. But, as much as I want to keep my cool, a quiet part of me is insisting that I just go for it and lay it all out there. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? (Cryptic blog post, I know...)

I really did try to be better writing-wise. But, as is always the case with me, real life got in the way. Janis and Wyatt got married on July 23, so the week leading up to that was hectic. After their wedding, I tried to catch up on household chores--this means I reorganized the stuff in my room and did a lot of cleaning--and caught up with friends after work. So. No writing. Anyway, I can make a thousand and one excuses, but the fact remains: I didn't keep my last promise. I have a habit of doing that, hey? Still, I feel that my writing work ethic has improved in that I'm actually writing. Since my last post, I've started two drafts and I've started pre-editing my novel. If that isn't progress, well then I honestly don't know what is. Baby steps. Baby steps. Also, I'm reminded of an uncomfortable truth I shared with my Mellie a year ago: I have another, more pressing, issue I need to attend to before I can follow the rest of my script. I'm try...

There's this guy. (Isn't this how most of my entries start?) And this guy is very cute in my opinion. And I've actually made a move on him. A move. I rarely make a move on men I find attractive because I like having the ball in my court. I loathe divulging my attraction because then it's this back-and-forth between the two of us where he makes a consequent move and then I counter that move and yes, I'm well aware that this is how relationships (be they platonic, professional, romantic, whatever) start, but I so prefer to live in the fantasy world where I place this man on a pedestal and he just remains blissfully unaware of my attraction to him. So I'm a coward. And while I take no pleasure in speaking this truth, it's a truth I know about myself. Some people are brazen and impulsive no matter the situation; I am rarely brazen and impulsive in any situation, but I'm especially cautious when it comes to relationships. Quite honestly, I need several shot...

Hello? Anybody there? So. I know it's been a while... much longer when you consider the fact that the posts I made back in April were recycled (see here ) and had been in my drafts since 2013 (see here ). The last real blog post I'd made was the one I made on March 4th to commemorate my 30th year of life. So. I'm feeling sheepish? Yeah. I guess that's the right word. I'm feeling sheepish that I've hardly written a figurative peep in months and the shame that goes with the sheepishness is only amplified by the fact that I had grandiose plans for my 30th year. Lame, yes, but I really did. So. The only reason I can think of attributing to this radio silence is that I'm in--yet another--writing funk. It happens to me quite often I'm finding. A result of my high, high, high as the sky  hopes for my writing career and my monumental fear of sucking. The fear is real, guys; I kid you not. So. This is my first attempt at improving my situation. So. I pl...

She arrives first; sped-walk most of the way, really, and fidgeted for the seven minutes she had to wait for him. She took a hold of a nearby newspaper to keep her hands from shaking, reminding herself to be cool be cool  and forcing herself to take several deep, calming breaths, continuously looking up the moment anyone walked through the door. The anxiety kept building and it was beginning to make her fret again. Peering out the window for the first time since picking up the paper, she saw him on his bike; his camel-coloured satchel at his side, his white helmet bouncing the sun's rays like a ping-pong ball, the white of his shirt momentarily blinding her. Fearing she'd be caught gaping, she turned her back to the door, choosing to feign indifference when he walked through the door. Still, despite her best effort, she blew her cover the moment she heard the door open and she caught herself looking at his worn KEDs shoes. And when their eyes met (hers shy and eager, his ...

The list keeps growing and I'm making nary a dent... Television Shows -My Mad Fat Diary (series three) -Firefly -Chuck -Parks and Rec -Les Revenants -Veronica Mars -Castle -Call the Midwife -Psych -House of Cards -Daredevil -Sense8 -The Walking Dead (seasons three to now ugh) -Leverage (season five) -Vikings -The 100 -Poldark -UnREAL -Girl Meets World -Game of Thrones (season three onward...) -Extant -iZombie -Superstore -Crazy Ex-Girlfriend -Fresh Off the Boat (season two) -Shameless (seasons four to now) -Gotham -You're the Worst (season two) Movies -Ruby Sparks -Thor -Hulk -Crazy Stupid Love -Friends with Benefits -No Strings Attached -Spy -Ant-Man -Jupiter Ascending -The Lovely Bones -Guardians of the Galaxy -You're Next -The Invitation

When I look back on my life, I'm going to see 2008 as the year that changed everything. So many new changes were entering my world; so many impetuses to start new cycles in the lives of those most dear to me. It's strange, seeing how everything traces back to that single year.  And going through my entries here, I noticed that 2008 was the first time I documented my birthday. The entry from  March 5, 2008  is not really about my birthday, but it's close enough! The entry from  March 3, 2009  relates more to my fear of getting one year older than anything else (a popular occurrence in my life). The entry on  March 3, 2010  is about my quarter life crises. Plural. The entry dated  March 3, 2011  is about the quarter life crisis where I took stock of my achievements. (Doing this is never a good idea.) The one dated  March 3, 2012  (and this  entry too) is abuzz with excited anticipation for my bday. For once. The entries ...

My 30th birthday is this Friday and I've decided I'm going to try to read/watch as many of these as I can before that day. When I read-slash-watch something off these lists, I will cross the item off and write the date in smaller letters beside it. Ah, to set such mediocre goals in order to feel more fulfilled when you reach a milestone birthday. #Pathetic Books/Articles The Beautiful Struggle by Ta-Nehisi Coates Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Olivia Wilde Tells Us Her Dos and Don'ts of Turning 30   February 29 4 Dating Realizations I've Had at Age 29   February 29 What Science Says About Being in Your 30s   February 29 "When You Turn 30, It No Longer Sounds Insane That You Might Be a Mom"   February 29 30 Songs That Will Instantly Put You in a Good Mood   March 1 Attention 30-somethings: THIS Is the Perfect Show for You   March 1 Mujerista   March 2 Episodes Sex and the City: Sex and the C...

Throwback to August (top pic) and last weekend (bottom pic) with my three little birds.  Now that I'm entering the last week in my twenties, I'm especially thankful for these three women and everything that they have contributed to my life. I love them and I feel especially blessed to be a part of their lives and all their major milestones.  It's ironic to me that 2008 was the year that brought the most changes to their lives. The year I was falling in love with a city, Nicole and Janis were falling in love with their guys and Jenn was graduating from nursing school. The year I was so ready to leave Edmonton, my friends were expanding their roots to the city's soil. But our trip to Montreal in 2014 proved something to me: that while I adore Montreal and will end up there one day, these three women are integral parts of my life. Their love, support, and friendship is vital. They are a constant reminder that despite my fears and unease, "every little th...

My attraction to yet another male has blossomed into a full-blown crush. And, as it is always wont to happen: He fell out of like with me and is now avoiding me at all costs. So what did I--a soon-to-be thirty-year-old--do? Well, I got very lovesick and consequently confused my nausea and panic with a stomach bug.  Let that sink in.  Seriously. I'm so frustrated and so goddamn sad . I built four different castles in the sky with this guy and now all I feel is empty. Empty and restless. Again.  I've already performed most of my ritual for getting over someone ; although the playlist I created was more of a "I have such a huge crush on a guy who is both cute and tall and makes me wanna jump his bones" than a "We could have had it all, motherfucker, but you decided I was lame and boring" playlist. I'm ahead of schedule with this guy, though. I skipped over denial (the step where I deny the fact I am developing feelings for a person--this...

February 20, 2016 was a day of so much smiling my cheeks hurt. Of so many happy tears that I kept having to check my makeup. Of an overall awesome feeling of joy that was as infectious as it was instantaneous. My best friend married her best friend and to look at their beautiful shining faces, beaming with love and radiating elation, I couldn't help but believe that my own person is out there. Because a love shared between two people like Nicole and Rylan--two people who understand and complement one another to their very core--can't be as rare as I've made it out to be in my head. No; seeing them on their wedding day made me oh so hopeful that that kind of love is everywhere. You just have to know how to recognize it; you have to know how to tend to that love; you have to be willing to make small (and sometimes big) sacrifices; you have to be willing to commit to one person over and over and over again; you have to be willing to accept them, flaws and all; and you h...

Lines of note: Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed  So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

I'm learning to let things go. Or maybe it's not so much that I'm learning to let things go, but that my perspective or focus has shifted; that I'm learning to temper my expectations, my impatience, my fire. Because I used to be of the mind of going 0 to 100, but I'm learning to gradually increase from 0 to 3, to 6, etc. It's taken me a while and, while I cannot say that I have full control, I know that things are getting better and, maybe, by this time next year, I'll have finally learned how to #adult.

Third attempt to start the week off on the right foot. So far, January has been cold, busy, and loved up! I've had the pleasure of seeing my girls at least once per week and I've watched three different movies in theatres (which you know is my favourite!). Things are going wonderfully and I feel as though they're only going to get better. I've also decided that I'm not going to do things I don't have to do. I'm going to be more selfish and more reckless and I'm going to enjoy every second of this magical new year! Thirty is coming up fast and I'm not going to rest on my laurels. I'm going to pursue my writing career; I'm going to write a screenplay; I'm going to pitch to a magazine; I'm going to make a buttload of money; I'm going to spend said money on things I want ; I'm going to meet new people; I'm going to hit on the attractive men in my life and I'm not going to feel sad or angry if things don't pan out t...