Random Channel Surfing

I hate being so hung up on a guy I literally get annoyed by the fact other guys exist. I have problems.

'Cause I'm feeling that. I'd rather stay in, read a book, watch a show, pop in a DVD or serenade my stuffed gorilla, George, than go out and meet up with my friends today. Or tomorrow, for that matter. I just don't want to leave. And it's not because I don't find what I've planned with my friends fun. Quite the contrary! I'm excited because I'm going to the movies to watch Paranormal Activity 4 today! And I really like my friends... but... but... but ... why does it involve me having to leave the comfort of my home? Siiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I hate feeling afraid, but it's probably one of the emotions I experience most. I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid of surprises. I fear monotony. I fear going outside my comfort zone. I cringe at the thought of my greatest fears coming to life. I cringe when I realize I'm self-realizing a lot of shit I never wanted to happen. But I don't know how to not feel this terror. I don't know how to be without relying on my safety net and it's impossibly frustrating, knowing I'm holding myself back from doing a lot of great things because I don't want to risk not landing safely. I know I'm stubborn, but in addition to being as unyielding as a pebble in cement-covered sidewalk, I know I'm prideful. Most of my fear is tied to the complete and utter desolation I feel when I'm afraid that I'm about to fail. And I hate it. In retrospect, I think moving to Montreal is like another guarantee at safety for me. It's as though I've convinc