Random Channel Surfing

What with Edmonton's drizzly days and the relentless sunshine and the wonderful nights out with friends... a lot of things in my life here in Edmonton have been reminding me of my life in Montreal. Every day I recall something wonderful and it creates a pang in my chest. But at the heart of the matter, really, I think it's more a problem of me wanting a life outside of Edmonton. Or rather, that, well... I'm bored in Edmonton. I crave a big change in my life and I'm trying (desperately) to find said change.

I went to his party on Saturday. You know who I'm talking about, right? My friends' tall, smart, really nice and really hot, nay,  handsome friend? Yeah. He invited me to his party this past weekend and I had fun and I'm even more into him now. And it's not because of any one thing, either. It's not like he did anything extraordinarily suave or gave me any signals that indicate he's into me on a romantic level; it has more to do with the fact that he's really kind and accommodating and charming and friendly . It's like he finds every single person he interacts with uniquely interesting and wonderful; and to be honest, a person could get used to being on the receiving end of that feeling. So, full disclosure: he and I exchanged numbers, but now I'm super apprehensive because, on the one hand, I'm always thisclose to shooting him a text and asking him to hang out 'cause, hello!  Dude is wicked adorable and awesome. But, on the other hand,

I was once convinced it was THURSDAY (not Tuesday) on a Tuesday last summer. I kept thinking, "One more work day after today and then it's the weekend! Woot!" I was later informed I was wrong. But even so, Tuesdays are always the best day of the week. Something awesome always happens to me on Tuesdays. But, on the other hand, they suck, too. I'm always extra tired on Tuesday. Let's hope today's a memorable Tuesday!

Today's a listening to "unrequited love songs" kind of day. I sure like to wallow... Playlist of the Day: - Caray (Pandora cover of Juan Gabriel's hit) - Oye Mi Amor (Maná) - Sombra De Ti (Shakira) - El Día Que Me Quieras (Alejandro Fernández) - La Media Vuelta (Luis Miguel) - Dreaming of You (Selena) - Dancing On My Own (Robyn) - Return to Sender (Elvis Presley) - Why Pt. 2 (Collective Soul) - Losing My Religion (R.E.M.)  (too soon. too soon.) - Heartless (Kanye West) - Better Be (Anna Ternheim) - Poison & Wine (The Civil Wars) - Take A Bow (Madonna) - I Can't Make You Love Me / Nick of Time (Bon Iver) - Selfish ('NSYNC) - Sunset (The xx) - Wait Till You See Her (Ella Fitzgerald) - I Love You (Sarah McLachlan) - You Oughta Know (Alanis Morissette) - Heart's A Mess (Gotye) - West Coast (Coconut Records) - Tell You Something (Nana's Reprise) (Alicia Keys) - Soul Meets Body (Death Cab for Cutie) - Hearts in the Night (Bed

I have decided that I'm going to go to Guatemala next year. . . . For at least two months. . . . By myself. I'm making it happen.

I didn't end up wearing the heels 'cause, first of all, ouch, and second, uncomfortable, but I did meet up with my friends for the inaugural pop-up restaurant din-din and my friends' hot, awesome, nice, smart, and crush-worthy friend was there. We chatted a bit, too, which was lovely and... drum-roll, please: he invited me to his house party on Saturday! I'm legit freaking out a bit because I get horribly awkward around him, to the point I mostly just smile and nod when he's talking to me and 'cause I like living in the fantasy I've built about him and me wherein he's into me, and I'm into him and we slowly gravitate towards each other and eventually succumb to our desires and bang. Kidding. But really, I'm just afraid that the more time he spends with me, the less he's going to like me and it's going to suck big hairy testicles if he doesn't like me back. (Pathetic sentiment, I know.) Look, I'm ready to date, but I don&

... my friends have this one really tall, really handsome, really smart, extremely nice friend. He's a super great person and the superficial side of me is 100% smitten with him because he's the kind of guy teenage me would have crushed on HC had I known him in high school. Anyway, I'm gonna see him tonight and... well... I did something really dumb. I'm really, super short in comparison to him; think, Lea Michele in flats and Cory Monteith standing rod-straight plus at least three inches height difference. Anyway, knowing I was gonna see him tonight, I bought high heeled shoes in the hopes that if I wore them, I'd be closer to his height, and now I feel really dumb about it but... I just want to maximize my odds of him liking me back and him wanting to get to know me so my superficial crush won't be so superficial anymore ugh. God, I'm fucking lame.

I wrote a post last night about the sudden surge of sadness I felt over a complete stranger's death. I decided to delete it because I didn't really see a point in having it up. But I was wrong. I've always considered that writing was great therapy. You put your thoughts/feelings/etc in order; you vent a little; you rationalize why you feel the way you do. And yesterday was no different. I do feel sadness over Cory Monteith's death. I do feel anger. I feel powerless and confused and a little cheated. Cheated because Glee (and subsequently my stint in Glee fandom) didn't deliver. When I started watching Glee, I expected to feel happy and thankful and lighthearted. And I did. At least in the beginning. But now, four seasons later, knowing that one of my favourite characters is going to die  and knowing that my favourite character will mourn the person she loves most in the world when the actress that plays her is already in mourning...? I mean, that hurts so ba