Random Channel Surfing

I need a cheat sheet for life.

(Listed in order of importance) Television Shows -Orphan Black -Firefly -Parks and Rec -The IT Crowd -Les Revenants -Veronica Mars -Sherlock -Some Girls -Castle -Teen Wolf -The Newsroom* -Damages* Movies -Ruby Sparks* -Brief Interviews with Hideous Men* -Devil* -Thor -Captain America -Hulk -Crazy Stupid Love -Friends with Benefits -No Strings Attached -The Giant Mechanical Man* *Stupid Chris Messina.

Do you ever worry that no one's being honest with you? Not in the "do these jeans make me look fat" sense, but in the "you should drop your dream and chase a new one because, honey, you suck" kind of way. I'm starting to worry, seriously and legitimately, that I don't have what it takes to achieve any of my dreams, least of all the ones concerning my floundering --- nay, non-existent writing career. And if I don't have what it takes, would anyone tell me so? Or is everyone I know and love too concerned with hurting me to admit to me and say, "hey, Mars? Your writing kind of sort of sucks and, hey, you're a good person, but maybe you don't have what it takes to be a successful writer"? I used to think the judges on American Idol were cruel when they dashed people's dreams on live television, but at least those contestants knew whether their dreams were realistic or not. At least they knew where they could improve their craft.

I spent the evening with Janis yesterday. She picked me up from work, drove me to her parent's so we could have dinner, and we went to a free comedy show at Yuk-Yuk's. It was a great evening between friends wherein I shared my desire for a romantic partner and bemoaned my inability to like the guys who like me as much as they like me. I'll admit that it was disheartening to hear from Janis that, oftentimes, guys like us more than we like them. (Like, what the hell,  universe?!) Anyway, what brought on this conversation was her father. I haven't seen Mr. and Mrs. B in a long time, so I got the usual grilling that concerned and sweet parents do when they see their child's longtime friend after a long time. And, of course, the dreaded "boys" question came up. "Don't you want a boy in your life? Trust me, you'll want one soon." Yeah. I know, Mr. B. I get. I'm living it. I do want a boy. Nay, I want a man . Maturity, confidence, se

She wants the kind of guy who will be totally, unabashedly honest with her. The kind who acknowledges that what he's about to say will cause her some grief or pain, but will forge ahead anyway because he knows that honesty is the cornerstone for any relationship; honesty leads to trust, which leads to loyalty, which leads to happiness, which leads to love. She wants the kind of guy who will want to take her out, but will understand if she'd rather stay in, read a book, watch a movie, or simply talk. She wants the kind of guy who understands that relationships are about compromise and give and take, but won't expect to take take take from her without giving a little back. He won't be the kind of guy who forces her to do anything without her consent, and that includes picking the movie every damn time. She wants the kind of guy who wants to share her interests. The kind who will call her the moment her favourite band is in town; the kind who will learn more about musi

Sometimes I feel so frustrated with everything because there are so many things I want to achieve and I have no idea how I'm going to go about doing it and I don't feel like I have the willpower or the motivation to see any of my dreams come to fruition, so I get depressed and feel totally helpless and then that shifts into blind rage, which leaves me feeling powerless and apathetic and I'm back to square one. Fuck. I'm so annoying. Also, I'm reading all of these sometime in the distant future.

I've decided I'm going to wear red lipstick every day for a year in the hopes that wearing said lipstick will make me feel instant self-confidence and a boost in self-esteem. The only problem is: People keep asking me awkward questions like, "Why are you wearing makeup today?!" or "Do you always wear this much makeup?!" People are so nosy. Anyway, since I'm a wuss, I know that wearing red, vibrant, in-your-face lipstick is gonna be a challenge for me. I loathe  getting any sort of attention. Still, I know I'm just going to have to learn to tough it out. As Barney Stinson says, "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED."

I'm haunted by my break-up with one particular friend. She was the first person who reached out to me my first day of grade five at Frère Antoine. She introduced me to her friends, her little brothers, and made me feel welcome. I hadn't wanted to leave Father Leo Green, so meeting someone on my first day, and connecting with her the way I did, made me feel less-panicky about leaving my friends at FLG. I sometimes dream about her still. Stupid, boring dreams in which we're out shopping, or merely hanging out. I think it's my brain's way of coping with the fact I no longer have her in my life. A way of living out the fantasy that I'm still friends with her. Sometimes I have angry dreams; my heart's racing and I feel really angry and agitated when I wake up. On those mornings I know that my dream had more to do with my frustrations at being unable to maintain a friendship with someone who meant more to me than I meant to her. A few weeks ago, I told Jan

Do you find that you dislike people gradually, or does it happen all at once? For the most part, I tend not to dislike people. In my mind, people are generally agreeable, if not downright friendly . But there does come a time when I cannot stomach the thought of conversing with, let alone seeing , someone I don't like. I'll do everything in my power to avoid them; go in the other direction, avoid making eye-contact, avoid places I know they frequent. In short, I act like the socially awkward human being I really truly am. I rarely dislike anyone. I can count on one hand all of the people I don't like. There was a manager at my theatre who was always unpleasant to me, so I never liked her. She would usually kick me out of the office, even though she allowed others to stay --- I was allowed in the office, too, having been an office worker at the theatre and having been in charge of money pick-ups and managing the safe in the cash office. Years later, I've come to le

We celebrated Nicole's roaring 20s before the Great Depression of turning 30 sets in in three years over the weekend. It was fun playing dress-up and, hey, I'll admit that it gave me the perfect excuse to buy the red lipstick I've been wanting to buy for the past three years. (Another push came in the form of an online article I read here .) Anyway, Nix always throws the most amazing parties. Look at the attention to detail! I was seriously geeking out over some of the stuff she did. Janis channels her inner Greta Garbo. Seth as Charlie Chaplin (especially loved his real 'stache!). Nix fashioned her sauna into a speakeasy.  Poisson rouge. Fab Four. Besties Five Ever. This was the best pic we took all night, in my opinion. Nix says this looks like a silent film poster about three best friends in the 20s: Janis is the cute, boy-crazy one, while Nix is the dramatic, wannabe actress, and I'm the sweet goofy

... and I'm feeling pretty awesome. Instant self-confidence!

- The Fionavar Tapestry trilogy - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo  series - A Song of Ice and Fire series - Percy Jackson series - Matched -Cinder And basically the 40+ fiction and non-fiction books that are piled high in my room. Due: End of the year. ** Note: Do NOT  read the following ** Divergent  series City of Bones  series