Random Channel Surfing

She means well. It was never her intention to hurt the girl in front of her; she only wanted her to be happy. As happy as she feels when she looks at her husband; the happiness bubbling in her chest the moment she rises in the morning, continuing through to night when she lays down next to him in their bed. She just wants her to have what she has. She's tried setting her up numerous times, but she's too picky. Takes one look at the boys, men, guys in front of her, panic registering in her green eyes before she excuses herself. She idly wonders if she might be gay. It would come as a surprise to her; her oldest, dearest, singlest friend has had her share of beaus. But she's been single for the past three years and does she not crave the feel of a man's body?!?! So she'll keep pointing men out. Keep encouraging her to go home with them at the end of the night. Keep bragging about how wonderful her life with her husband is. She just wants her to be as happy as she is

Here's what he knows about her. She eats an apple everyday. Often leaves the cores abandoned on the kitchen counter -- little reminders that there's a new body in the house. She never leaves dirty dishes in the sink; makes them all feel really guilty for not cleaning up after themselves. He'll playfully hold his dirty dishes high above her head, but she always insists she loves doing the dishes. Who's he to argue with someone who'll willingly clean up after him? Yeah. No. She takes really long showers every morning. She sings as she cooks. She's obsessed with making lists and leaves them laying around their apartment. She's intelligent and observant. Thoughtful, even. He has a hard time ignoring her most of the time, but on days she wears a dress or short pants, he can't tear his disobedient eyes away from her legs. She has really toned calves. He can't stop staring at her calves and he knows she's noticed. There are times he'll look up to fi

Not yet, at least.

He's always whistling. The happy boy with the dimpled smile and tousled sandy hair. She knows - without a doubt - that he's in a bad mood if she doesn't hear him whistling first thing every morning. It's like a mood thermometer; helping her gauge how he feels. She's often surprised - delighted, really - when she wakes up to hear him whistling in the kitchen. Hear his whistle coming from the bathroom, sounding over the rush of water. Hear his whistle from his room as he dresses. It comes as a surprise, even if he whistles all the time. And every time she hears his whistle, her heart pinches and the flutter in her stomach bubbles up into a laugh. It's just so surprising, the way he makes her feel. He just makes her happy. He's just so infectious.

The only exception to this rule is Coconut Records' "West Coast". Guess I'm over a lot of things then, eh?

It's amazing when I discover another truth about me. I try to be as self-aware as possible; forcing myself to delve into parts of my personality that I'm not quite happy with and learning to work past the ugly aspects of my personality, but sometimes I don't see all of my flaws for what they are. For some very obvious reason, I don't want to admit to being spoiled. It's not even that I'm spoiled, given that calling someone spoiled places the blame on exterior forces (in my case, my parents and sisters), when I think I've spoiled myself. I have. I coddle myself. Don't do things I don't want to do, despite knowing how much it will benefit me in the long run. I hide myself away. Preferring the comfort of being alone than forcing myself to interact with others. Guess now that I've realized how terrible my influence has been on me, I'll have to change that, eh?

I forgot all about my aspirations of writing a novella to submit to The Malahat Review . Meh.

I'm not what you would call impulsive. If anything I'm more spontaneous than impulsive. Oftentimes I'll do something only after weighing the Pros and Cons and examining whether it will affect me in the long run. Being impulsive isn't in my nature. I mostly think before I speak (unless I'm hurt...); mostly keep my money in my pocket; mostly take careful, measured steps while walking. Saying all of this, I'm not going to force myself to make more spur-of-the-moment-change-my-life-forever type of decisions, but rather, will try to be as adventurous as I can. Starting with an Advanced French class. So it is written. So it shall be done. Yes.