Random Channel Surfing

Every time my friends bring up Osheaga and Montreal and our upcoming trip in August, I feel as though I'm in a dream. The fact that these lovely six people are willing to go on a trip that means so much to me fills me with awe; I'm so lucky that my friends want what I want. Granted we've wanted to take a big trip somewhere together since Jenn and Dave were first engaged and Janis was with Joe (this was eons ago, obviously), but we could never settle on where we would go. Jenn suggested Cuba or Mexico, or hey! How about the Dominican? But it wasn't until August of this year when I went out with Nicole, Rylan, Janis, and Wyatt and we decided that a trip to Montreal's Osheaga would be amazing  as a group trip that anything concrete was decided on. When we mentioned it to Jenn, she was a little hesitant because it's pricey... But now Jenn and Dave have flight vouchers from West-Jet, so their trip to Montreal might be covered! Huzzah! I still feel like I need to

I'm having one of those. And I know that this song will be added to the never-ending list of songs I have a crush on because, odds are, I'll be listening to it for the remainder of the year. And, years from now, when I've overcome this tiny hurdle, this song will come on the radio and I'll remember this moment (and all those other moments) when this hurdle seemed insurmountable. Maybe then I'll be able to laugh at my predicament. Maybe then I'll find the romance in what I'm feeling. But for now all I can feel is shame and annoyance and, yeah, I'll admit it: desperation. Because feeling the way that I'm feeling now? It sucks. I guess the bright side is at least I know I'm not alone; someone has felt this exact way and poured all their frustration into their words. I can take comfort in the fact that at least one other person has felt these exact feelings, though I'm sure more than just we two have felt this way. And this knowledge makes th

Admitting embarrassing parts of myself always leaves a chalky taste in my mouth.  Letting the words out is a struggle;  each syllable clings to the roof of my mouth like paste. I never know quite how to articulate my thoughts when I have to admit to those shameful bits of me. I never know where to start or where to end. It's why I often stay quiet. So when I meet someone I can share myself with, the words flow freely like water through a spile.  Each syllable tastes like honey; every thought is freed. I often confuse this sort of kinship, imagining that the person I'm sharing myself with feels the same. Imagine my surprise when I realize it was all in my head. Imagine the shame, the shock, the sheer frustration when I see the truth. And that's when the chalky aftertaste invades my mouth like rotten eggs. When I first tasted that chalky aftertaste was when I learned to keep those embarrassing parts to myself. No one is worth that awful flavour.

I've been thinking lately about how lucky I've been this year. (#blessed) Sure, I had my trying moments; there were times when I was so frustrated I could scream, but most of the year was good . And yeah, I had my fair share of heartaches and sadness, but the positives outweighed the negatives. I made new friends, I saw new parts of the world, I learned more about myself. Life gave me so many presents and I'm eternally grateful for 2013. But despite all that, I still want certain things before the year is through. I'm as selfish as they come and there's no denying that. And some of the items on my list are abstract, intangible things, but there are a slew of others that can be bought. Things like: -Pacific Rim -Beyoncé -HAIM -The Little Mermaid -The Rescuer's and The Rescuer's Down Under ('cause I'm a child) -Happy Endings (seasons one to three) I'm sure my family and friends will buy these things for me. But those intangible, abstr

I don't trust my gut instincts. They've led me astray too often; have set me up for heartache one time too many. So whenever some little voice inside me urges me to do something, I remember the shame I felt when my instincts were so flawed. My pride comes to my defense and tells me to stay put; I don't need to follow my gut instincts. And those times when it seems like following my heart is a safe bet, I feel the sadness I felt when things fell through. I feel it as strongly as if it had happened yesterday. So when my fear approaches me and cautions me that I don't want to live through that sadness and anxiety again, I listen to it and do nothing. Who needs gut instincts when self-preservation always wins out?

I don't know what it is about Elvis, but whenever I'm having a particularly fantastic day, I'll play his music non-stop. Maybe it's the energy in his singing; it could be his pizzazz. Whatever it is, on days when I feel especially great, his music adds to that good feeling. Almost the exact opposite can be said about Death Cab for Cutie. Their music, while great in my opinion, usually reduces me to tears. I'm talking about their Plans album in particular. There's something inherently tragic about the tracks in that CD and I know I've listened to it on days I feel particularly sad and in need of a good cry. Now, when I'm in the mood for romance, nothing beats jazz music. When all I want to do is think about love and "happily ever after", jazz music puts me in a romantic frame of mind. From Nat King Cole and Tony Bennett, to Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday, I can't help but swoon when I hear them croon. On days when I'm feeling r

I like to pretend that I'm a lot more confident than I am -- fake it 'til you make it, y'know -- but if there's one thing I've learned this year through all the experiences I'm forcing myself to go through (teaching, volunteering, taking classes), it's that I have a hard time doing things on my own. I have to repress my feelings of inadequacy and fear when I'm faced with a new experience. I have to push myself out of my comfort zone, often finding new reasons and excuses to do the pushing. It's difficult and terrifying and I usually have to blast Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" to remind myself that no matter what happens, everything will be all right. It's never as bad as I imagine it could be . And what I'm realizing is that, yeah. I'm not afraid being alone per se (I'm comfortable going to the movies or going for a coffee by myself), but rather of facing new experiences by myself. I've always known I have an

This dude: This dude used to terrorize me when we were little. Allegedly. I don't remember much about our toddler years, other than the fact he had the  sweetest curls and would follow our cousin Lucia and me around.  Well anyway, after growing out of his (alleged) toddler bullying, hyper-aggressive ways, he's grown up to be an upstanding gentleman and I'm ever so proud of him and this amazing achievement! I mean, he'll be playing at a music festival in which Arcade Fire, NIN, AFI, of Montreal, Cut Copy etc, etc will play! I'm positively geeking out over this! This is huge for my baby cuz! He's been drumming since we were teenagers and I would always send him music in care packages to feed his love and appreciation for punk music and now... he's going to play in front of literally thousands and at a  huge  international scale to boot, too!  His band Los Tiros is one of the two Guatemalan bands that are going to Vive Latino. They're a mix

So, out of the blue at breakfast this morning, when neither of us were speaking, my dad looked up from his Honey Nut Cheerios and said, "Are you giving out Christmas cards this year? 'Cause they're the best way of showing people you care about them." Words of wisdom from Hector. I love it.

Janis and Wyatt aren't throwing a Christmas party this year. Nix and Rylan aren't having one, either. I'm half-tempted to throw one myself because I like Christmas parties. People dress up and you can ask your friends to bring along a gift or cash donation for the charity of your choice. Also, I like parties in general, so the fact I'm not going to many (if any) holiday parties this year is bumming me out.

I've filled this out a few times in the past, but I figured now that 2013 is coming to a close, I might as well do it again. Rules: 1) Turn on your iPod. 2) Change settings to "Shuffle". 3) Press play! 4) For every category, type the title of the song that plays. 5) Hit the "Next" button and DO NOT skip. 6) DON'T LIE! ***************************************************** Opening credits:  St. Peter's Cathedral (Death Cab for Cutie - Codes and Keys) First day at a new job:  Tonight, Tonight (Passion Pit - Cover of Smashing Pumpkins' song) Falling In Love:  Collect Call (Metric - Fantasies) Fight Song:  Mutt (Blink-182 - Enema of the State) Breaking Up:  Miscommunication (Timbaland [feat. Keri Hilson and Sebastian] - Timbaland Presents: Shock Value) House Party:  Junk of the Heart (The Kooks - Junk of the Heart) Life:  I Want to Know What Love Is (Foreigner - Agent Provocateur) Mental breakdown:  Police and Thieves

My oldest sister is officially in her 40s. This fact is making me feel old somehow... I love both my sisters; each of them has inspired me in such different ways and I treasure the time I spend with them both. And while my relationship with each of them is unique, I know that the relationship I have with Cristiane is special. We were always friends. When I was 18 months old, she went to visit my aunt Amparo for a few months in Mexico. When she came back, my parents say I rested my head on her shoulder, started to cry, and said her name ("Ki") over and over. When I was 13 and suffering through my first broken heart, she was the first one to take me to the kids' bookstore on Whyte Ave (Greenwoods' Small World), so that I could get my mind off my unrequited crush. And even on those rare occasions that my parents left her in charge of Pily and me, she was my friend first, my guardian second. And I think that's created a very special bond between us. A