Random Channel Surfing

Coward Coward Coward Coward Coward Coward Coward I'm a motherfucking coward. Too afraid to stay where I am. Too afraid to change. Stuck. Frozen. Fearful. Unsure. Coward Coward Coward Coward Coward Coward Coward

This has been a pretty shitty week. And I'm not the kind of person who likes to make these kinds of generalizations, but when tragedies like what happened at the Boston Marathon occur the same week a good friend of yours decides to take their life, it puts things in a very shitty, disheartening, soul-crushing perspective. I just want spring to stay. I need a change in season.

 I just learned that a great friend of mine died last night. He was talented and funny and kind and hardworking and self-deprecating and... wonderful . Knowing that the world has lost him gives me a queer hollow little ache in my chest. I feel saddened and a little sick. But most of all, I feel guilty. Guilty for all those times I could have seen him, but didn't. Guilty for all those times I opted to stay in, rather than join him and our friends at parties. How many memories did I miss out on making  with him ? I'll always remember him; whenever I watch Superman or see someone's white socks peeking out from under their dark pants, I'll think of him. Whenever I watch Pan's Labyrynth or visit with friends, I won't be able to shake the feeling that someone is missing. I wonder if he knew how much he meant to all of us. He will be missed; I hope he knows this. Rest in peace, my dear Jimsie. You were the Jimsiest of the Jimsies.