Random Channel Surfing

He was pretty fantastic. And that's not me putting him on a pedestal, really. I know I have the tendency of doing so (see: Hims 1 through 3), but I was actually pretty aware of my feelings and actions when it came to him. I say he was fantastic because he was inquisitive, and kind, and understanding, and honest, and considerate, and measured. He was great. Really great. The kind of great that reminds you of what you want in life; the kind of great that makes you impatient and impulsive and (dare I say) ready. He was the kind of guy I've written about in the past . I say "was" because, well, I think things have officially run their course. And while part of me is super sad that this is over before anything really happened, another part of me knew it was inevitable; the same sad ending to the same serial episodic tv series of my life. Heroine meets boy; they flirt; they date; it ends; end scene. And I hate that I didn't want it to end--if this was inevitable, wh...

March was kind of a bust, but it did reinforce one thing to me: I have the most supportive, loving, and kind-hearted people in my life. Thank you, family and friends. (I feel that I don't say it often enough.) Now that we're 10 days into April, I'm thinking that 2017 is kind of, sort of, maybe, possibly getting better. (I think.) It's not easy for me to ask for help, but you've all come through for me.  I know you guys don't follow this blog, but I hope you know that everything you've done for me has meant the world to me. I appreciate you all and I thank you for your love and understanding. Thank you.  #MotivationMonday  #IJustNeededAnExcuseToPostThisPictureOfAFlowerHeHe

My heart keeps fluttering. Gentle, soft, tiny little butterfly wings that are telling me something is amiss. Things are changing. I'm changing. So many changes and I don't know whether to celebrate or not. My heart keeps fluttering. It's unsettled, it's afraid, but I don't quite know why.

I have a hard time letting go. I especially have a hard time letting go of people. That's why my friend breakups are hard to accept. That's why I continue to like and obsess over men from my past even when I've moved on. That's why Hims one through three have entire tags dedicated to them. And I really have to accept that things happen the way they happen for a reason. It's not a bullshit reason; it's reality. And I really need to accept that.

(I think.) Like a ghost or a memory, he's popped back into my life and I'm feeling so unsettled by his reappearance. I don't know what to make of my emotions. My stomach is unsettled, my heart won't stop racing, my head spins. Part of me is elated to know that he is doing well; that he's back in the city; that he's going to school. Part of me is terrified that even though he's reemerged, nothing I do can control what will happen between us. He can still choose not to reciprocate; he can still choose to vamoose out of my life like he did so long ago. (Please don't disappear again.) And it's funny to me because now that he's back and that I want him (and only him) and have my blinders on and my eyes are zeroing in on him (and only him), it's raining men. Men who want me and want to spend time with me (and only me) and I want him (and only him). But, of course, he does not want me, back. My stomach is unsettled. My heart won't stop r...

Look, I know we're 16 days into 2017, but I really haven't felt like doing anything since forever ago. This year, though, I have to say that I feel like I want to make things happen. I want to see places and invest in my future. And it could be that the current political landscape is the reason; or maybe it's that there's an air of uncertainty and instability at my place of work (don't ask), but the fact remains: I'm optimistic about checking items off my list this year. Yay, me!

Soon.  Soon I'll be flying again. 2016 was the first (and hopefully only) year I remained on solid ground and, I have to say, I've missed seeing new places. I've missed the planning that goes into traveling; I've missed the anticipation. Hell, I've missed the rush of takeoff! But, most of all, I've missed the calm sense of wonder I feel as I fly to my new destination. So here's to 2017 and the trips I will take.