SRS Qs ABT LYFE YO
This questionnaire has been in my drafts since 2013, when I was going through a bit of a "reading crush" on Thought Catalog, particularly articles written by Ella Ceron, Kovie Biakolo, and Brianna Wiest. Their articles were usually on feminist issues and self-love and relationships and, more importantly, self-care. So when Brianna posted this questionnaire, I figured it was a good idea to poke at these issues to gain a better understanding of how I feel about my life.
Anyway, two years ago, I completed only the first question but, as I said in my last post, something about 2015 makes me tingly on the inside with an admittedly over-optimistic anticipation for this year, so I figured I should complete this questionnaire. I hope they'll be a good reminder of the things that matter the most to me--a bookmark on the things I should cherish for the entire year. Here's hoping, at least.
1. What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to pay the bills?
I would put all of my money towards music, travel, and education. I would be so busy -- learning, exploring, growing -- my propensity for staying up late would actually get worse! And, if I didn't have to pay any bills, I would make sure that I could bring a friend or family member with me on my adventures. Life isn't worth it if you can't share in those magical experiences with someone you love.
2. What cuts you the deepest?
I wish I had a more altruistic response to this (because I feel that this answer is hyper-selfish), but what cuts me the deepest is as selfish an answer as they come: I'm afraid I'm going to grow old alone. It's not so much the being alone part that bothers me, but that there won't be anyone there to share that time with me. I mean, yeah, sure, I can get a pet cat or dog and I know that I've been lucky to surround myself with people who are loving, intelligent, and inspiring, but I know they'll have their own stuff to deal with as we age. And, to be quite honest, I love my time alone; I love reading, and writing, and traveling. This is all true for me. But the actual thought of growing old all alone makes my chest hurt with a deep sense of odd longing. It's weird, but it's what cuts the deepest.
3. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I'd spend as much of my time with those I love. I remember a few years ago, Janis and I were talking about love language and how we each express our affection for people in one way or another. This love language theory argues that people can express their love for those they care about in five different ways, including: words of affirmation (which includes the use of words to affirm those you love), acts of service (which includes doing things for people to show your love), gift giving/receiving (which is the act of expressing your love through gifts), quality time (which is the act of spending time with those you love), and physical touch (which is things like hugging or kissing). I express my love a number of ways; I am touchy-feely with those I like; I like to affirm them, too; I also like to do nice things for them; I like to buy things for them, also; but I, especially, like to spend time with them. So, if I knew that I was about to die, I know I'd spend my remaining hours with the people I love most.
4. Who do you love and why do you love them?
I realized this past year during one of my lovely visits with Mel that I tend to regard every human with some degree of affection. Something about humans in general fills me with warm, gooey feelings of happiness. I think it's because at my core, I feel that humans are good and kind. Listing off the people I love most in the world would be a long list, so I'll just talk about why I love them.
I love these people because we share a history and we share values and morals and because I know that they all have the kindest, most loving hearts in the world. The people I surround myself with are all exceptional and I love them because they accept me for being me and because they remind me that kindness is not in short supply in the world; you merely have to surround yourself with people who are kind.
5. What do you quote?
I think I quote Bob Marley, mostly, though I do like a few quotes by Paulo Coelho. I like the simplicity of Bob's message: every little thing is gonna be all right; keep jamming; when music hits, you feel no pain. Just happiness and warmth and loveliness. When I quote Paulo Coelho, it's usually regarding life's greatest mystery: love. Love is magical and wonderful, but not something I wholly understand. But whenever Paulo Coehlo writes about love, it all becomes a little less confusing and I almost feel like I understand--almost.
6. In those rare but life-changing moments, how do you act?
I'll admit that I'm a huge nerd when it comes to making pros-cons lists. Dude broke my heart? List the pros and cons about why this is a good thing. Can't, in good conscience, take four trips? Make a pros and cons list on all four trips to decide which is the best fit. I have been lucky to have very little disruptions in my life--when I'm at the end of my rope, I have a safety net that affords me the ability of choosing which solution is the best fit for me.
If I were to pretend that I don't have said safety net, I imagine that I would do a lot of brooding and would have a tonne of solo time. I am better alone in the sense that I'm used to dealing with my issues on my own. I will readily help someone out, but I know that it's hard for me to ask for help. It's hard for me to ask for help, yes, but it's another for me to know when I need help, too. I think it's an effect of my being single for so long; I'm used to tackling things on my own.
7. What do you think about most?
Truth is, I think of things in terms of when they happened and dwell too much on the past and anticipate what could happen in the future. This has made me an introspective person who tries to be a realist, but usually comes off as a pessimist. I'm an optimistic person, but I like to be prepared for every scenario. I make plans A through Z and pray that things don't go too crazy.
I am who I am because I rarely live in the moment. I'm thinking I should change that.
Anyway, two years ago, I completed only the first question but, as I said in my last post, something about 2015 makes me tingly on the inside with an admittedly over-optimistic anticipation for this year, so I figured I should complete this questionnaire. I hope they'll be a good reminder of the things that matter the most to me--a bookmark on the things I should cherish for the entire year. Here's hoping, at least.
1. What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to pay the bills?
I would put all of my money towards music, travel, and education. I would be so busy -- learning, exploring, growing -- my propensity for staying up late would actually get worse! And, if I didn't have to pay any bills, I would make sure that I could bring a friend or family member with me on my adventures. Life isn't worth it if you can't share in those magical experiences with someone you love.
2. What cuts you the deepest?
I wish I had a more altruistic response to this (because I feel that this answer is hyper-selfish), but what cuts me the deepest is as selfish an answer as they come: I'm afraid I'm going to grow old alone. It's not so much the being alone part that bothers me, but that there won't be anyone there to share that time with me. I mean, yeah, sure, I can get a pet cat or dog and I know that I've been lucky to surround myself with people who are loving, intelligent, and inspiring, but I know they'll have their own stuff to deal with as we age. And, to be quite honest, I love my time alone; I love reading, and writing, and traveling. This is all true for me. But the actual thought of growing old all alone makes my chest hurt with a deep sense of odd longing. It's weird, but it's what cuts the deepest.
3. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I'd spend as much of my time with those I love. I remember a few years ago, Janis and I were talking about love language and how we each express our affection for people in one way or another. This love language theory argues that people can express their love for those they care about in five different ways, including: words of affirmation (which includes the use of words to affirm those you love), acts of service (which includes doing things for people to show your love), gift giving/receiving (which is the act of expressing your love through gifts), quality time (which is the act of spending time with those you love), and physical touch (which is things like hugging or kissing). I express my love a number of ways; I am touchy-feely with those I like; I like to affirm them, too; I also like to do nice things for them; I like to buy things for them, also; but I, especially, like to spend time with them. So, if I knew that I was about to die, I know I'd spend my remaining hours with the people I love most.
4. Who do you love and why do you love them?
I realized this past year during one of my lovely visits with Mel that I tend to regard every human with some degree of affection. Something about humans in general fills me with warm, gooey feelings of happiness. I think it's because at my core, I feel that humans are good and kind. Listing off the people I love most in the world would be a long list, so I'll just talk about why I love them.
I love these people because we share a history and we share values and morals and because I know that they all have the kindest, most loving hearts in the world. The people I surround myself with are all exceptional and I love them because they accept me for being me and because they remind me that kindness is not in short supply in the world; you merely have to surround yourself with people who are kind.
5. What do you quote?
I think I quote Bob Marley, mostly, though I do like a few quotes by Paulo Coelho. I like the simplicity of Bob's message: every little thing is gonna be all right; keep jamming; when music hits, you feel no pain. Just happiness and warmth and loveliness. When I quote Paulo Coelho, it's usually regarding life's greatest mystery: love. Love is magical and wonderful, but not something I wholly understand. But whenever Paulo Coehlo writes about love, it all becomes a little less confusing and I almost feel like I understand--almost.
6. In those rare but life-changing moments, how do you act?
I'll admit that I'm a huge nerd when it comes to making pros-cons lists. Dude broke my heart? List the pros and cons about why this is a good thing. Can't, in good conscience, take four trips? Make a pros and cons list on all four trips to decide which is the best fit. I have been lucky to have very little disruptions in my life--when I'm at the end of my rope, I have a safety net that affords me the ability of choosing which solution is the best fit for me.
If I were to pretend that I don't have said safety net, I imagine that I would do a lot of brooding and would have a tonne of solo time. I am better alone in the sense that I'm used to dealing with my issues on my own. I will readily help someone out, but I know that it's hard for me to ask for help. It's hard for me to ask for help, yes, but it's another for me to know when I need help, too. I think it's an effect of my being single for so long; I'm used to tackling things on my own.
7. What do you think about most?
Truth is, I think of things in terms of when they happened and dwell too much on the past and anticipate what could happen in the future. This has made me an introspective person who tries to be a realist, but usually comes off as a pessimist. I'm an optimistic person, but I like to be prepared for every scenario. I make plans A through Z and pray that things don't go too crazy.
I am who I am because I rarely live in the moment. I'm thinking I should change that.
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