Yeah... I'm actually NOT okay

This is a pretty personal blog entry, but here goes. [Besides, this is more therapy than anything, seeing as most of the people that frequent this blog have zero clue as to what I'm talking about.]

I feel like I made a huge mistake last week. Sure I was pissed and annoyed and just overwhelmed by all of the drama in my "second-life", but should I have confronted him like that? The more I think about it, the guiltier I feel. I'm not, in any way, shape or form, defending him because he was mostly egotistical and rude and overbearing, but I gave up my writership and, well, I lost a friend.

I told him I didn't want to associate with him and while that's true, I can't help but miss squee'ing over the newest pieces of information we've gotten. And adding to that, I feel like one big disloyal traitor... If there's one emotion I hate more than humiliation, it's guilt.

Sure this was all born from humiliation (the humiliation that he was saying things behind my back and was causing a lot of drama in everyone's drama-free existence), but the humiliation I felt up until last week is nothing compared to the guilt I'm feeling now.

I blame it all on Dinner for Schmucks. A movie that I should've adored by all intents and purposes, but couldn't really get into because I felt like Tim (Paul Rudd). I really do wish that my life came with a warranty... then all of the shit I do and did wouldn't be as scary because I'd be covered.

Ruined a friendship? Warranty covers that.

Didn't pursue the right career? Warranty covers that.

Ugh. I wish I could stop wishing and would just have the guts and FUCKING intelligence to do the right thing at all times. Alas, I'm unlucky (that is if there is such a thing as luck...).