Thoughts from a facebook apathist.

Whenever I log onto Facebook, I'm overcome by the urge to delete my profile. There really isn't any reason why I stay on that site; it's not like I talk to anyone. Really, the only time I log on is when Tamara tells me she's posted something new on my wall.

Having said that, I present you with my thoughts on the most un-hip of social media. The thoughts from a facebook apathist, if you will. (Apathist is not a word, I know, but I'm apathetic about facebook, hence the title... get it? Yeah, I'm not clever, but I've never claimed I was...)

Maybe it's because I'm addicted to tumblr or because I figure if I want to stay in touch with people, I'll text or email or go see them. I'm not big on the technology and clutter and hassle of facebook.

... There's also the whole "stalking" part of it, too. That unavoidable urge to look up past loves and friends. It's just so... invasive and creepy and, try as I might, I still want to look them up. Isn't that effed up?

I mean, it's human to feel a little curious about so-and-so and want to see how friend x is doing now that you're not talking. Didn't curiosity kill the cat? Or some other cheesy saying...?

And, while it's terrible to say, I find that part of my aversion to facebook is that it reminds me how shitty I am as a friend. It's like a billboard, flashing neon, bright and blinding; a sign I'm terrible at keeping in touch, playing catch up and keeping up my end of the bargain. Friend x is talking to me and I fail to realize I should care.

The only friends I care about are the ones I text. The ones I email. The ones I actively seek out. The ones that haven't managed to disappoint me or hurt me or slowly corrode my soft interior. The rest of my facebook "friends"? Acquaintances. Co-workers. Ex-bosses.

A fair few are still people I cherish and adore and miss, but the fact remains that I do nothing to keep those lines of communication open. It shames me. I know so many wonderful people who've affected my life in more ways than I know. Knowing them has caused a ripple effect in my life; knowing them has helped shape me. But unless I see people on a regular basis or text them once every blue moon or share a long and complicated history with them, I can't bring myself to care.

I am a terrible human being.