"Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well."
I have a hard time accepting things as they happen.
I have a tendency of overthinking and analyzing and fantasizing and assuming that I know the way things will play out.
I don't; no one does.
But I am introspective and that tendency of being so self-reflective makes it hard for me to let things unfold as they must. I love to be in control and I love to anticipate how things will pan out. I need to prepare myself--mentally, emotionally, physically--for any and all outcomes. Blame it on my penchant for being hyper-focused on reigning in my emotions; blame it on my fear of change; blame it on any number of things.
But if there's one thing I've learned since last March, it's that, even when you have an inkling of what's about to happen, when it happens, you have no fucking clue how to handle it. No matter how much you prepare and how many permutations of the scenario you anticipate, the reality still knocks you upside the head, leaving you dizzy and vulnerable.
So I'm trying this whole zen approach to my life. I try so hard to control what's going on around me that the moment things get too hard or uncontrollable, I have a mild breakdown. Granted, my mental health is shit right now--has been for a really long time, but I've only just realized that my whole "bottle every emotion until you explode" method has actually been super detrimental to my health. Who knew that repressing things could be so bad for you?
Well, I know better now, so I'm trying this new way of life. It's been only two weeks and already I feel like giving up. *sad sigh*
I have a tendency of overthinking and analyzing and fantasizing and assuming that I know the way things will play out.
I don't; no one does.
But I am introspective and that tendency of being so self-reflective makes it hard for me to let things unfold as they must. I love to be in control and I love to anticipate how things will pan out. I need to prepare myself--mentally, emotionally, physically--for any and all outcomes. Blame it on my penchant for being hyper-focused on reigning in my emotions; blame it on my fear of change; blame it on any number of things.
But if there's one thing I've learned since last March, it's that, even when you have an inkling of what's about to happen, when it happens, you have no fucking clue how to handle it. No matter how much you prepare and how many permutations of the scenario you anticipate, the reality still knocks you upside the head, leaving you dizzy and vulnerable.
So I'm trying this whole zen approach to my life. I try so hard to control what's going on around me that the moment things get too hard or uncontrollable, I have a mild breakdown. Granted, my mental health is shit right now--has been for a really long time, but I've only just realized that my whole "bottle every emotion until you explode" method has actually been super detrimental to my health. Who knew that repressing things could be so bad for you?
Well, I know better now, so I'm trying this new way of life. It's been only two weeks and already I feel like giving up. *sad sigh*
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