Hush, brain. Hush.

I went to his party on Saturday.

You know who I'm talking about, right? My friends' tall, smart, really nice and really hot, nay, handsome friend? Yeah. He invited me to his party this past weekend and I had fun and I'm even more into him now. And it's not because of any one thing, either. It's not like he did anything extraordinarily suave or gave me any signals that indicate he's into me on a romantic level; it has more to do with the fact that he's really kind and accommodating and charming and friendly. It's like he finds every single person he interacts with uniquely interesting and wonderful; and to be honest, a person could get used to being on the receiving end of that feeling.

So, full disclosure: he and I exchanged numbers, but now I'm super apprehensive because, on the one hand, I'm always thisclose to shooting him a text and asking him to hang out 'cause, hello! Dude is wicked adorable and awesome. But, on the other hand, I resist shooting him said text because I:

a) don't want to seem too eager,
b) worry he only wants me as a friend (when I'm super ready to jump his bones), and
c) have zero clue about what I should text him that's equal parts cute and charming and witty.

So these conflicting desires -- to text, or not to text -- give me terrible nausea. And, to top it all off, he recently broke up with his girlfriend (back in June), so I don't want to be his rebound and I don't know what would happen if we dated, since I wouldn't want any of our friends to be awkward or feel terrible about us. Y'know? Not to mention the fact he told me he's thinking of moving to HOLLAND early next year, and hopes to settle in London permanently and, well... I know from experience that wanting to leave Edmonton for keepsies is a desire that never goes away. No matter how wonderful your friends and family are.

But then I remember how sweet he is and how much I like his voice and his mannerisms and the way I feel whenever he talks to me -- which, incidentally, is a weird mix between happy fluttery butterflies swooping in my tummy and a dead weight pressing in my chest -- and I think all of that would be worth it! Because even though this is all just one silly meaningless crush (not to mention the fact I also have a decent-sized crush on Wyatt's friend), liking him makes my chest feel light and thinking of him makes me smile and swoon, to be perfectly honest. And when I talk to him, whether it's online or face-to-face, I get an adrenaline rush.

So it's not easy for me to decide on my next move. 

Why can't my brain just SHUT UP?