~~Love Affects My Posts
Going through this blog, I know who I was smitten with by the content of the things I would post.
First Him was for the first few years. I know this because the first few years are littered with posts in which I confess to starving myself or wanting to escape Edmonton because everywhere I looked, there were memories of him.
Second Him was from the summer of 2008 and onward. I was constantly fretting over not seeing him, or seeing him, or knowing he would never feel the way I did. But liking second Him wasn't only about him per se; liking and thinking about him was also tied to my one true love: Montreal.
Montreal is the one constant in my posts. My love for this city has never wavered and you'll find posts sprinkled throughout this blog as odes to the city; it may just be my one great love, seeing as I've gone through bouts in my life where I hardly notice men, but my adoration for Montreal is ongoing.
I had a bit of a break from getting random crushes on men when I started working full-time in 2010; however, I'll be the first to admit that I think I was going through a mild depression post-Montreal. I gained a lot of weight and rarely wanted to leave the house (see: here) and was basically infatuated with a tv show because I didn't and would not confront my feelings. (Thank God my friends didn't give up on me.) Anyway, despite not having fully formed crushes on men, I'm pretty sure I fell in love at least five times a day when I was in Australia visiting Tamara and Sean that summer. And I did meet a really wonderful friend of a friend in 2010 who, to this day, makes me giggle. He's a lovely person and I know we'll never work out; dodged that bullet! Whew! He's happily coupled-up with a lovely woman and I'm happy for him. Still, after meeting him in December, he was the first and last man that left an actual impression on me for a long time until 2012. (Kayls even commented on my crush back then!)
In 2012 I had a baby crush on someone who may as well have been a baby. Well, not literally a baby, but he is a man four years younger than me and, while he was mature and sensible, he never really got my pop culture references. (Heartbreaking.) I'll admit that liking him was the catalyst I needed to realize that I wanted... someone in my life. Of course when I was faced with the decision of dating him or not, I realized that my heart was still in Montreal and that making ties to someone in Edmonton would, well, hinder my dreams of one day moving east.
But then, 2013 happened and I got to spend long chunks of time with Janis, Nicole, Jenn, and their boos. And I'll be honest: spending time with people you love and seeing them in loving, healthy, and happy relationships makes you want that, too. It made me want what they had so much, that I actually promised myself to get out into the great, wide world and date. Incidentally, baby-man-I-crushed-on asked me out that March and we went on what Mel likes to call a stealth-date: a non-date where people who don't want to face rejection ask you out under the pretense of hanging out, but it's very clearly a date.
So after our stealth-date (the second of two), I started noticing men in my life. I started flirting with men in my life! I was actually doing something to get some. And later that year, I created an online dating profile. And, I met several dudes who were interested in dating me. But, as I am wont to do, I put all my romantic and sentimental eggs in one pragmatic and still-in-love-with-his-ex-girlfriend basket and basically just phoned in my romantic life in 2014.
That explains the drought these past few months. In 2013, I was all bubbliness and hopfulness! Post-2013, I was confused, hurt, and forlorn. And now that I'm finally, officially, 100 percent over him, I can write about other stuff. Other stuff like how bubbly and hopeful I am about the next time I fall in love. Because I love to fall in love and I miss seeing each individual tree in a forest.** I can't wait to fall in love and I can't wait to bore you guys with all the inane details. *dreamy sigh*
**I'm ready again for love. FYI.
First Him was for the first few years. I know this because the first few years are littered with posts in which I confess to starving myself or wanting to escape Edmonton because everywhere I looked, there were memories of him.
Second Him was from the summer of 2008 and onward. I was constantly fretting over not seeing him, or seeing him, or knowing he would never feel the way I did. But liking second Him wasn't only about him per se; liking and thinking about him was also tied to my one true love: Montreal.
Montreal is the one constant in my posts. My love for this city has never wavered and you'll find posts sprinkled throughout this blog as odes to the city; it may just be my one great love, seeing as I've gone through bouts in my life where I hardly notice men, but my adoration for Montreal is ongoing.
I had a bit of a break from getting random crushes on men when I started working full-time in 2010; however, I'll be the first to admit that I think I was going through a mild depression post-Montreal. I gained a lot of weight and rarely wanted to leave the house (see: here) and was basically infatuated with a tv show because I didn't and would not confront my feelings. (Thank God my friends didn't give up on me.) Anyway, despite not having fully formed crushes on men, I'm pretty sure I fell in love at least five times a day when I was in Australia visiting Tamara and Sean that summer. And I did meet a really wonderful friend of a friend in 2010 who, to this day, makes me giggle. He's a lovely person and I know we'll never work out; dodged that bullet! Whew! He's happily coupled-up with a lovely woman and I'm happy for him. Still, after meeting him in December, he was the first and last man that left an actual impression on me for a long time until 2012. (Kayls even commented on my crush back then!)
In 2012 I had a baby crush on someone who may as well have been a baby. Well, not literally a baby, but he is a man four years younger than me and, while he was mature and sensible, he never really got my pop culture references. (Heartbreaking.) I'll admit that liking him was the catalyst I needed to realize that I wanted... someone in my life. Of course when I was faced with the decision of dating him or not, I realized that my heart was still in Montreal and that making ties to someone in Edmonton would, well, hinder my dreams of one day moving east.
But then, 2013 happened and I got to spend long chunks of time with Janis, Nicole, Jenn, and their boos. And I'll be honest: spending time with people you love and seeing them in loving, healthy, and happy relationships makes you want that, too. It made me want what they had so much, that I actually promised myself to get out into the great, wide world and date. Incidentally, baby-man-I-crushed-on asked me out that March and we went on what Mel likes to call a stealth-date: a non-date where people who don't want to face rejection ask you out under the pretense of hanging out, but it's very clearly a date.
So after our stealth-date (the second of two), I started noticing men in my life. I started flirting with men in my life! I was actually doing something to get some. And later that year, I created an online dating profile. And, I met several dudes who were interested in dating me. But, as I am wont to do, I put all my romantic and sentimental eggs in one pragmatic and still-in-love-with-his-ex-girlfriend basket and basically just phoned in my romantic life in 2014.
That explains the drought these past few months. In 2013, I was all bubbliness and hopfulness! Post-2013, I was confused, hurt, and forlorn. And now that I'm finally, officially, 100 percent over him, I can write about other stuff. Other stuff like how bubbly and hopeful I am about the next time I fall in love. Because I love to fall in love and I miss seeing each individual tree in a forest.** I can't wait to fall in love and I can't wait to bore you guys with all the inane details. *dreamy sigh*
**I'm ready again for love. FYI.
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