"Grab his penis."

OK.

So I realized that I'm too old for the bar. When I went out with my friends for Dave's 26th birthday, I knew I wouldn't last long. And it's true. I got there at 9:00 and went home by 11:45 with a pounding headache. Granted, I've been working ridiculous hours at work (6:00 to 8:30 most days... kill me... please.), but at the same time, I was out with my friends. People who never fail to light my days with sunshine and make dull situations FUN.

Anyway, our group played pool, drank beer (coffee for me) and the bar got progressively crowded. I started noticing that the dudes were cute, but young and was bemoaning the fact that I was tired when I should be up for some fun times at a bar, instead of craving the comfort of my bed. I mean I'm 25, not 50!

So, after my ranting, I had to go pee, so I made my way to the bathroom, only to be stuck in a crowd of people on my way there. So, I'm pushing my way through, saying my "excuse mes" and "pardon mes" as I pass, when this one kid stops me. Literally stands in front of me. I look up at him and note that he's tall, his blond hair is nicely styled and he looks around 21. Dang. "Wow, you're hot!" is the only thing he says. I smile and say "excuse me" veering to the right and try to push through, when one of his friends stands in front of me.

"No, you should hear him out," he tells me.

I frown and try to smile, since I'm totally confused. If this kid likes me, he can speak to me and not hold me hostage.

"Sorry, I really have to get through."

Another one of blondie's friends is on my left now and smiles.

"Come on. Grab his penis."

"GRAB HIS PENIS"!? GRAB. HIS. PENIS.?!?!?!?!?!?

I glare at the three morons and that is when I reach my boiling point. I push blondie out of my way and keep going.

Seriously. Do these lines work?!