A Quarter of a Life and What Do I Have to Show for It?

An understanding of three languages
A degree
A single published article
A group of friends who make me feel complete
A heart that's felt the wonder of love twice
A heart that's felt the dull ache left after (two) heartbreak(s)
A successful recovery from an eating disorder

There's probably more to this list, but at the moment, I don't feel much like celebrating. I'm not, in any way, ready for my 25th birthday. I thought I would have a lot more to show for my 25 years of life than what I have now. Wow. I sound like the world's biggest brat, but it's the simple truth.

And that's not to say that I don't appreciate all of the things I've been through and all of the wonderful things I've learned or obtained in my life. I'm thankful for every single blessing I have. But at the same time... at the same time... it's so easy to feel nothing.

When will I grow up? And I mean really grow up... Not this bullshit that I call "maturing" where I'm too chicken-shit to talk to guys or too anti-social to plan a fucking birthday party. God. I'm so pathetic. My girls keep texting and emailing, trying to see what and when and where we'll do and go and see, but I can't bring myself to care.

I wonder if this is a "me" thing or if every single human experiences this crippling feeling in their chests.

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