Is it normal to feel sad as often as I do?
I'm a fairly happy, cheerful, optimistic person, but there are times... oh, lordy. There are times when all I want to do is cry. And cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry.
And you could argue it's hormonal, but sometimes, if I'm being 100% honest, I know it's 'cause I'm lonely. I feel as though I know every one in my life as well as I know myself--if not better. I know their fears. Their aspirations. Their favourite colours. Their biggest fear. I know how to read them well and can tell when they're upset; know the right things to say to make them smile; know the wrong things to say to hurt them (which if I'm being honest I have never done. I'm grateful to be a naturally kind person--and I honestly don't mean this in a self-absorbed way. I am lucky. Not everyone considers others' feelings...)
But no one knows me that well.
Not even my own parents.
And maybe that's why I'm self-aware.
Because if I didn't know myself as well as I do, no one would really know me. They wouldn't know that I still think of him--and have recently started thinking of him, again--wouldn't know that I don't send my stuff out to newspapers, etc for fear of rejection; wouldn't know that I push back and procrastinate so many things out of fear; wouldn't know that I sometimes lie because I worry about making them fear about my emotional state.
I'm just a sad sad case right now.
Also a very fearful person. I wish I was brave and didn't feel the hollowness in my heart that consumes me late at night. I wish I wish I wish.
Don't genies grant three wishes? Where is mine? I could really use a wish right now.
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