"Birthday week." Yeah. I said it.
I turn 28 next Tuesday.
That's two years closer to 30 and 10 years further away from the age I was when I graduated high school. What this tells me is that I'm old. And not a cool old like 87 or 110, but the "responsible" old. The old that should have her shit together.
The past few birthdays have been really good. Gone are the days when I would fret over the fact I was turning a year older. Gone are the days when I would miss my youth. I don't miss my youth. I feel grateful that I got to live another year; feel grateful that I got to experience a few really amazing things my 27th year; feel grateful that I got to meet some incredible people; feel grateful that I got to befriend people who taught me about myself and helped me see things in a fresh perspective.
I know what you're thinking; you're probably reading this and shaking your head, saying, "But Marcela, you just wrote that you don't have your shit together. That implies that you're not enthused about this upcoming birthday. Did I misunderstand?"
And my answer to that is no.
First off, I am not happy about this birthday. I don't feel like celebrating despite the fact that Janis, Nix, and Char were all looking forward to doing something fun. I do feel grateful for the past year; I do think back on this past year's memories with fondness. I just don't see why I would want to celebrate this year.
Second, January and February 2014 have felt like they were on hyper-fast-forward. I feel like it was just last week that we rang in the new year. Planning a birthday celebration would feel a little hectic right now, I think. I like planning my birthday well in advance. I love getting my friends' input on what we should do, even though we always do the same thing: go to the movies and go back to my place for vegan goodies. The plan hasn't changed since I turned 19.
Third, I hate to admit it, but I think I expected that I would make certain things happen this year and now that they didn't materialize, I'm feeling desperate and annoyed and melancholy and downright spoiled. In short, I'm not in a celebratory mood.
So really I'm feeling pretty torn about this birthday. On the one hand, I don't want to celebrate it, but on the other hand, I'm still looking forward to the good things that come with turning another year older: feeling loved up, eating good food, indulging in everything I like.
I did ask for the Tuesday off and Gerry was awesome and gave it to me. And I did have dinner with Char last night to celebrate. And I am going for breakfast with my girls and their boys sometime this month. And my parents are getting me a really nice watch. I think all I want is a low-key day. And now that I'm pushing THIRTY, I don't think that's a bad idea.
Y'know?
That's two years closer to 30 and 10 years further away from the age I was when I graduated high school. What this tells me is that I'm old. And not a cool old like 87 or 110, but the "responsible" old. The old that should have her shit together.
The past few birthdays have been really good. Gone are the days when I would fret over the fact I was turning a year older. Gone are the days when I would miss my youth. I don't miss my youth. I feel grateful that I got to live another year; feel grateful that I got to experience a few really amazing things my 27th year; feel grateful that I got to meet some incredible people; feel grateful that I got to befriend people who taught me about myself and helped me see things in a fresh perspective.
I know what you're thinking; you're probably reading this and shaking your head, saying, "But Marcela, you just wrote that you don't have your shit together. That implies that you're not enthused about this upcoming birthday. Did I misunderstand?"
And my answer to that is no.
First off, I am not happy about this birthday. I don't feel like celebrating despite the fact that Janis, Nix, and Char were all looking forward to doing something fun. I do feel grateful for the past year; I do think back on this past year's memories with fondness. I just don't see why I would want to celebrate this year.
Second, January and February 2014 have felt like they were on hyper-fast-forward. I feel like it was just last week that we rang in the new year. Planning a birthday celebration would feel a little hectic right now, I think. I like planning my birthday well in advance. I love getting my friends' input on what we should do, even though we always do the same thing: go to the movies and go back to my place for vegan goodies. The plan hasn't changed since I turned 19.
Third, I hate to admit it, but I think I expected that I would make certain things happen this year and now that they didn't materialize, I'm feeling desperate and annoyed and melancholy and downright spoiled. In short, I'm not in a celebratory mood.
So really I'm feeling pretty torn about this birthday. On the one hand, I don't want to celebrate it, but on the other hand, I'm still looking forward to the good things that come with turning another year older: feeling loved up, eating good food, indulging in everything I like.
I did ask for the Tuesday off and Gerry was awesome and gave it to me. And I did have dinner with Char last night to celebrate. And I am going for breakfast with my girls and their boys sometime this month. And my parents are getting me a really nice watch. I think all I want is a low-key day. And now that I'm pushing THIRTY, I don't think that's a bad idea.
Y'know?
Comments