Like the Emperor who wore no clothes, I feel so foolish and exposed.
Foolish because I've yet to learn how to temper my expectations and hopes.
Exposed because I know everyone can see how earnestly I feel.
I don't half-ass my feelings and, while I'm (mostly) proud of this trait, moments like this one make me feel naked. Every blemish, every scar, every curve, every ripple exposed. And it all makes sense now, more than it did a few months ago, at least. The foolish girl with the foolish heart -- so naive and inexperienced -- never saw it coming. I'm about to lose more than I gambled and I'm terrified because I don't have a winning hand.
I can't bluff. I have a huge tell. This is why I don't play cards!
I felt the resistance so keenly and, yet, I pushed. Like the delusional fool I am, I convinced myself that this was it. That I was ready. And that's what hurts the most: the realization that I don't know myself well enough in the end.
Exposed because I know everyone can see how earnestly I feel.
I don't half-ass my feelings and, while I'm (mostly) proud of this trait, moments like this one make me feel naked. Every blemish, every scar, every curve, every ripple exposed. And it all makes sense now, more than it did a few months ago, at least. The foolish girl with the foolish heart -- so naive and inexperienced -- never saw it coming. I'm about to lose more than I gambled and I'm terrified because I don't have a winning hand.
I can't bluff. I have a huge tell. This is why I don't play cards!
I felt the resistance so keenly and, yet, I pushed. Like the delusional fool I am, I convinced myself that this was it. That I was ready. And that's what hurts the most: the realization that I don't know myself well enough in the end.
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