I wish I had a time machine, so I could fly back in time and tell Young!Marcela to chill the fuck out.
Being home sick means that I'm going through old journal entries and I've come to realize that Young!Marcela was even more socially awkward than I am now.
(And that's saying something.)
For one, I legit said "CTRL, ALT, DEL" to a guy after I did something thoroughly embarrassing in front of him. (I think I confessed to wanting to smooch his face off. In those words. To his adorable face.) At another time, this same guy and I were chatting about our social studies teacher in our English class. The windows were open and the wind kept blowing my hair around, but it was too hot in the room, so no one wanted to shut them. Anyway, I was telling him about how much I liked our social studies teacher when some dandelion fluff from outside blew straight into my nose. When I was standing right in front of him. It literally flew inside my left nostril, nestled itself in there, and I hid. Legit hid. From him. When we were having a conversation. As if he couldn't see me if I couldn't see him. Like a little kid. Did I mention that I stopped mid-conversation to hide?????
Now, the silver lining in all of this is that this guy grew up to be a huge douche, so I'm happy that nothing transpired between us. But my baby ego was badly bruised, bleeding, and aching after both these experiences with him and I remember how mortified I felt after both moments. I hadn't been able to laugh about these situations until now... almost 11 years later. Talk about holding onto bad stuff!
I still have my share of embarrassing moments in front of cute guys, but I can laugh about them now. For instance, I've laugh-spit-choked (in that order and at the same time if you can believe it) in front of a dude I had a crush on. I've also spit-laughed all over a cute guy after he told me a funny joke. Oh, and I've mispronounced more words than there are in the dictionary when I've gotten flustered around an attractive person. Only difference is I laugh about it now. Sure, my face is burning and I want to crawl into a hole and die, but I muscle my way through the mortification and focus on how hilarious the situation is. Younger Marcela didn't have a sense of humour. Older Marcela does. But it took her a while to get here. And hey, she's still learning to take a joke. ;) Just as she's still learning other important things like being kind to herself.
(And that's saying something.)
For one, I legit said "CTRL, ALT, DEL" to a guy after I did something thoroughly embarrassing in front of him. (I think I confessed to wanting to smooch his face off. In those words. To his adorable face.) At another time, this same guy and I were chatting about our social studies teacher in our English class. The windows were open and the wind kept blowing my hair around, but it was too hot in the room, so no one wanted to shut them. Anyway, I was telling him about how much I liked our social studies teacher when some dandelion fluff from outside blew straight into my nose. When I was standing right in front of him. It literally flew inside my left nostril, nestled itself in there, and I hid. Legit hid. From him. When we were having a conversation. As if he couldn't see me if I couldn't see him. Like a little kid. Did I mention that I stopped mid-conversation to hide?????
Now, the silver lining in all of this is that this guy grew up to be a huge douche, so I'm happy that nothing transpired between us. But my baby ego was badly bruised, bleeding, and aching after both these experiences with him and I remember how mortified I felt after both moments. I hadn't been able to laugh about these situations until now... almost 11 years later. Talk about holding onto bad stuff!
I still have my share of embarrassing moments in front of cute guys, but I can laugh about them now. For instance, I've laugh-spit-choked (in that order and at the same time if you can believe it) in front of a dude I had a crush on. I've also spit-laughed all over a cute guy after he told me a funny joke. Oh, and I've mispronounced more words than there are in the dictionary when I've gotten flustered around an attractive person. Only difference is I laugh about it now. Sure, my face is burning and I want to crawl into a hole and die, but I muscle my way through the mortification and focus on how hilarious the situation is. Younger Marcela didn't have a sense of humour. Older Marcela does. But it took her a while to get here. And hey, she's still learning to take a joke. ;) Just as she's still learning other important things like being kind to herself.
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