A Decision Has Been Made
If you had to choose between a semi-permanent state of indecision and settling on a scary decision, which would you choose?
It's been a little under a year since I realized that all my Pollyanna humming and hawing has more to do with my complacency than actual happiness at the state in which I am. It was a really disheartening realization since it made me feel like a phony; how could I believe -- to my very core -- that I was happy with my life, when all I felt was "meh"?
So it's been close to a year of soul searching and spending money trying to figure out what I want. It was money well-spent and I feel that I've improved as a person; nothing life altering, of course, but enough for me to realize that I have a lot of room for improvement in my life. And the one thing that sticks out in all my soul-searching and investing in myself is this: I need to make a change. A radical change.
My move to Montreal didn't happen in 2012 like I'd planned; I still haven't published anything; I'm still as emotionally stunted as I was when I was 14 years-old and my heart was broken clean in two that awful September 21st. I've been stuck since forever and the only year I made any real improvements in my life was in 2008.
It's time for more improvements.
So I've decided. I've chosen a path that is a little terrifying in that it will require a big change in my life for God-knows-how-long. I've chosen a path that is not bringing me closer to my aspirations, but is going to help me grow.
The end of 2014 may just see me in another country. And that's a tiny bit exciting, but mostly terrifying.
It's been a little under a year since I realized that all my Pollyanna humming and hawing has more to do with my complacency than actual happiness at the state in which I am. It was a really disheartening realization since it made me feel like a phony; how could I believe -- to my very core -- that I was happy with my life, when all I felt was "meh"?
So it's been close to a year of soul searching and spending money trying to figure out what I want. It was money well-spent and I feel that I've improved as a person; nothing life altering, of course, but enough for me to realize that I have a lot of room for improvement in my life. And the one thing that sticks out in all my soul-searching and investing in myself is this: I need to make a change. A radical change.
My move to Montreal didn't happen in 2012 like I'd planned; I still haven't published anything; I'm still as emotionally stunted as I was when I was 14 years-old and my heart was broken clean in two that awful September 21st. I've been stuck since forever and the only year I made any real improvements in my life was in 2008.
It's time for more improvements.
So I've decided. I've chosen a path that is a little terrifying in that it will require a big change in my life for God-knows-how-long. I've chosen a path that is not bringing me closer to my aspirations, but is going to help me grow.
The end of 2014 may just see me in another country. And that's a tiny bit exciting, but mostly terrifying.
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